Selected Poems from our Poet Laureate,
Bob Ashley
(a.k.a. BobA)

Keep on trekkin' SDI Blue Blood 2007
Patty K - Sera, Sera
Dearth of a Salesman
What is SDI
Best of the Best November 17, 2004
Retiring But Definitely Not Shy
October 1, 2003
Christmas 2002 – A Season of Change
Farewell to Mel (Haiku) – August 2002
Christmas 2001 – A Bright, New Christmas
In the Time of Nick – October 2001
Tribute to a Friend  (Good-bye to Bart) - September 2001
Who Saves Christmas 2000?
Christmas Spirit 1999
Christmas 1998 - "Clause-Trophobia"
Christmas 1997 – A Special Christmas
YCMA (Song) – September 1997
A Tribute to Trish – May 1997
SDI Prayer Group – April 1997
Christmas 1996 – A Christmas Present
Christmas 1995  - A Christmas Poem
The Legend of Brandy – March 1995
Ode to Helen – February 1995
A Tribute to Joanna
Christmas Party Time - (December 95 - to the tune of Sleigh Bells)
The SDI Daze of Christmas - (December 94)
The Byte Before Christmas (1993) - By Dr ZEUS
 

Keep on trekkin’
Bob Ashley
August 25, 2007

The year was 2082,
The planet it was Earth,
And folks still gather ‘round today,
To celebrate that birth.

No one knows for sure just who,
Was there right at the dawn
They’re simply called the “ancient ones”
But the legends they live on.

They say the crew was masterful,
Each had his special skill,
One produced the sterling code,
One handed out the bill.

From the planet of Nevada,
(They were happy he was gone),
Came a giant coding lifeform,
Who was known as Megat-ron.

And manning all the frequencies,
For her gift was as a talker,
They called their would-be fashion model
Mannequin Sky Walker.

They fixed up old atomic drives,
Would do any work they found,
They'd shuttle forth from star to star,
So their dreams could leave the ground.

There was a leader of this scrappy band,
Who gave them so much work,
To his face they called him Major Tom,
But behind it "Captain J...ohn".

Before too long they realized,
If they would shoot the moon,
They'd have to build a ship themselves,
And they'd have to build it soon.

We need someone a lot like Spock,
But not so prone to fuss,
If we found someone who speaks pure C,
That would be a big PLUS.

So they scrounged for some dilithium,
And some other crystals too,
And its not just how that cruiser ran,
But the crew that was warped two.

Now that there was a ship to man,
They had to find a mate,
Who'd work alongside Major Tom,
And always set him straight.

In the Nick of time they found him,
He could vanquish any foe,
Where no man had gone before they knew,
That he would baldly go.

From galaxy to galaxy,
In search of greater sales,
Brunswick, Downey, EDS,
Became the stuff of tales.

And the crew why it expanded,
Adding Toms and Bobs and Johns,
And while these were indispensable,
Some like Charles were just Cling-Ons.

You had Craig who got the work all done,
While Darren made it stable,
Randi Schrott she taught her team the apps,
And made them Miser-able.

Now they liked most planets’ creatures,
They were often lots of fun,
You could work together trustingly
(With phasers set to stun.)

Other planets which are nameless,
You would much rather avoid,
If you let them why they’d give you
A pain in the asteroid.

Now once that five year mission,
Was almost at an end,
The captain called the crew in,
And he spoke just like a friend.

If we want our species to survive,
As more than just a blip,
We need to bring in resources,
To build the mother ship.

And so they pulled out all the stops,
They called in all their best,
And when that wasn’t quite enough,
They called in all the rest.

When asked how long the job would take,
That was such an easy quiz,
When I promised two years I was right,
In Martian time that is.

But finally the day had come,
The starship was complete,
If you didn’t peer inside it,
Why it actually looked sweet.

Many names they were suggested,
For this engineering feat,
And some of them were brilliant,
And some were not so neat.

When people kept on shouting names,
Major Tom he raised his voice,
It’s Nick who has to sell this thing,
And it’s he who’ll make the choice.

We won’t name it for a giant boat,
Nick said and gave a wink,
A Greek god will live forever,
But an enterprise can sink.

Now that starship flew to planets
There were hundreds on the way,
Like a giant one called ITI,
One named MBNA.

And the mother ship kept traveling,
And we rode it all around,
But without the people manning it,
It would still be on the ground.

Now when you’ve been confined in space,
For years and years on end,
Each person that you’re there with,
May become a lifelong friend.

And the tough times and the happy times,
As we’d strive to reach for glory,
In the long run would become another,
Good old famous story.

Like the problem with our b-ball team,
(This is more than just some quibbles),
Z’s shot it stinks, Shen just won’t pass,
Kevin’s trouble is with dribbles.

Or the time that Jason Ohn beamed down,
All the folks could do was stare,
He's too small to be an Ewok,
And his back has much more hair.
Or Sandy Coons' expense report,
That didn't seem quite right,
Since he charged a ticket to the Sun,
But claimed he went at night.

Now we could tell these stories,
And a thousand more at that,
But there’s food here to be eaten,
And drinks are going flat.

So I’ll leave you with one final thought,
You can put into your pipe,
(In California you can’t smoke it,
But it’s much better than hype.)

Now some might think that SDI,
Has sung its final song,
They might believe it’s gone for good,
I tell you "some" are wrong.

Whether on the moon called FSB,
Or the planet named DI,
Or the asteroid they call BT,
Or a comet floating by…

Whether on the bridge like Tom, Joanna
Nick and Roger Hotte,
Or down there in the engine room,
With Pierre Boucher and Scotty.

Whether clone or drone or alien,
With tentacle or eye
In whatever passes for a heart,
Beats a bit of SDI.

God bless you all!
Long live SDI!
Happy 25th Anniversary!

Top
Patty K  --  Sera, Sera
August 1, 2006
Bob Ashley
 
In every life from time to time there comes a massive change,
When all those things we thought we knew we now must rearrange,
And so it is in old West Hills today is such a day,
As we gather ‘round to say farewell to our good pal Patty K.
 
On such a huge occasion and at such a special time,
It’s my job to record it all in a massive epic rhyme,
So I’ve talked to all the people here-- with each I’ve had a chat,
And the thing that I heard most of all was “Patty K? Who’s that?”
 
Now you’d think when someone’s been around for nearly twenty years,
Seen the good times and the bad times and consumed her share of beers,
Stuck with us all through thick and thin to help to reach for glory,
(‘Cept those five years as a lumberjack but that’s another story.)
 
You’d think when one had done all that she’d have won her share of fame,
And it wouldn’t just be free ice cream which is the reason we all came,
You’d think we’d show to honor her with speech and poem and song,
You’d think we would but with this group I’m afraid that you’d be wrong!
 
But just in case there lurks out there a shred of decent thought,
Someone who has sincerity, who’s not so easily bought,
Someone who doesn’t eat ice cream, who has a sense of duty,
It’s time to tell the story of the one they call Kanootie.
 
She must’ve been ‘bout sweet sixteen when she came to SDI,
Demure and inexperienced and quiet, young and shy.
When she started as receptionist who ever knew she’d stay,
She didn’t really get too wild until her second day.
 
From then on why all bets were off though my sources let it slip,
No one should ever ask her why they call her PK Zip.
And if you’re at Sierra’s and you look up at the lamp,
And you find a rotting lemon wedge you’ll know that’s Patty’s stamp.
 
Yet those days are safely in the past for she’s now become mature,
And if anyone believes that all you’ll hear from me is “sure”,
But we’ll keep her secrets in our hats, say not a word that’s catty,
Won’t mention for a second why they call her “Chicken Patty”.
 
Won’t mention why it was Ron threw a screwdriver at you,
He’s such a mellow guy we’d like to know what did you do?
We’d like to know what kind of Mom you were and how you played that part,
So your kids decided they’d all like to live with Ron and Bart.
 
There’s lots of things we’d like to know but we won’t say a word,
Like what you did with Karen’s clock, the one shaped like a...bird.
And why you left receptionist when you first got the chance,
And moved into the thrilling world that’s known as high finance.
 
You worked for Nick for years on end, the slave of an exec,
When he asked you for some numbers why you actually would check,
And he kept you pretty busy and when you went home in a fog,
If it hadn’t been for Louie there you might have kicked the dog.
 
But then one day you turned around and those days why they were done,
And you found you were the admin chief for West Hills branch S1,
And your job why it got easier and easier and still,
The only thing you had to do was satisfy Bob Pill.
 
So you’ve come to work and kicked right back and every day was fun,
And if something real was on your plate it was Jody got it done,
But one job you could not let go ‘cause for this you will be missed,
Month in, month out why it was you who made the birthday list!
 
And on that tough exhausting day you’d head on home at three,
And catch your favorite on the tube the one called QVC,
Then as you viewed zirconia, the best upon the planet,
You’d take a belt of good champagne with a touch of pomegranate.
 
And after knocking back a few, with several drunk and spilt,
You figured it was time to work on your latest fancy quilt,
And though you were quite bleary-eyed yet finish up you did,
Which worked out well since soon showed up a little bitty kid.
 
Though many have admired you, it’s me who does the most,
And you can know it will be me to offer the first toast,
For in my heart dear Patty you will always have a place,
Since you’re the one who picked on me to get that parking space!
 
Yet of all the folks here at West Hills it’s Bob Pill who’s really sad,
He told me how your leaving why it makes him feel so bad,
Bob said “she’s irreplaceable-- like flowers birds or trees,
At least until a week from now when they end the hiring freeze.”
 
But now it’s time to cut the jokes and heave a little sigh,
And focus on just why we’re here to wave a sad goodbye,
To wish blessings on your family, grandkid and soldier son,
From all of us who care so much, from all here at S1.
 
God bless you Patty!
May you reach all your dreams.

   
Dearth of a Salesman
 
Bob Ashley
November 4, 2005
 
The year was 1990 and as day turned into night,
In the Occidental Business Park there burned a single light,
Two men sat in that office, neither one of them could speak,
As Tom pored o’er a P & L, a tear ran down his cheek.
 
“We’re sunk” Tom wailed “what can we do we’re finished Mister Nick
We’ve tried it all, we’ve done our best, we’ve used up every trick
We need someone to save the day, whose skills they are the best
Who knows the business, understands and towers o’er the rest.”
 
“We need someone with wit and charm, good looks and thick black hair,
Who’s spent some time at ISC, there’s much to learn up there,
Eureka!” shouted Tom “I should have thought of it before
Yes just today that sort of man he walked right through my door.”
 
“I can’t recall the name right now though it isn’t Patrick Boone,
Nor Tidwell, Barrick, Dassinger, it’ll come to me quite soon,”
Then all at once Tom’s eyes lit up from the blue the answer came
“I know the guy we’re thinking of, Bob Ashley is the name.”
 
“Yes he’s the guy we’re looking for, we’ll send him near and far,
He’ll dine on planes, live in hotels and drive a rental car,”
“But wait” Nick said “though Bob’s the best, the man has a got a wife,
A house and kids, a dog that bites, in short he’s got a life.”
 
“Besides, why Bob he works all day, he does more than flap his gums
He helps out Pill, Teresa too, and all those PD bums.
The person we are looking for will be not at all like this,
‘Cause when we say goodbye to him he’s not someone we’ll miss.”
 
And so early the next morning as he sipped his coffee cup,
Nick watched a guy named Sanford Coons walk in and say “what’s up?”
Nick caught Tom’s eye and saw him nod and a smile curled on his lip,
As he said “Hey Sandy how’d you like, to take a little trip?”
 
That trip it lasted fifteen years, and it took him near and far,
As he visited with every bank, and stopped in every bar,
And sampled every red and white and other colored wine,
And all was well unless he crossed the thirty-dollar line.
 
But wait, I’m moving way too fast-- to tell the story right,
We must go back to old New York on a dark and stormy night,
Since I really don’t know anything about Sandy as a pup,
I’ll do what any poet would, by George, I’ll make it up.
 
Young Sanford he was born that night he popped onto the scene,
His eyes they looked around the room his gaze why it was keen,
He searched for something he could sell and someone to convince,
Sandy started talking right away and he hasn’t stopped it since.
 
Now after Sandy schmoozed the nurse and turned on all his charm,
She walked away with what she thought was a Rolex on her arm.
And if you think that’s all he did you’re in for quite a shock,
For the doctor left with 50,000 shares of S1 stock!
 
And so now you know why Sandy had to grow up oh so fast,
And move on to Miami so that he could leave his past,
For he had to get away from there, lest he should end in jail,
And go to college to escape that doctor on his tail.
 
So he became a Hurricane and grew his hair real long,
He called himself a hippie but his friends called him King Bong,
He studied about peace and love and how to make a nuke,
To imagine Sandy then think Tiny Tim without the uke.
 
A few years later trouble struck, he could not escape his fate,
No matter how much Sandy tried he had to graduate.
And his fate it kept on getting worse, he had to find a job,
When he got the news that he’d been hired, he let out a Data-Sob.
 
For 12 long years he bounced around to Sweden and Down-Under,
He managed projects worldwide, the girls called him Boy Wonder,
And when you hear what’s coming next why wonder’s what you’ll do,
For in Sandy’s years at Ericsson he wrote some programs too.
 
And so it was while deep in code and searching for some trick,
When he asked just who the guru was-- they all pointed him to Nick,
And thus that day a friendship bloomed, between a most unlikely pair,
For Nick had charm and grace and skill and Sandy-- he had hair.
 
It’s amazing how coincidences influence our fates,
When Nick and Sandy programmed, Datasaab soon left the States,
With brand new MBA, much bigger Sandy knew he’d be,
He found his home in sales as he soon worked for ISC.
 
He started strong and gave his all and soon he’d closed a deal,
And as so often seemed to happen when you’d see that Sandy zeal,
The company soon faltered it was down to its last breath,
When mercifully young Sandy left before the Kiss of Death.
 
And so it was that Sandy Coons popped up at SDI,
Where he and Nick could sell some more and give another try,
To see Sandy in the parking lot filled customers with dread,
First Nationwide tried to escape, they called themselves Cal-Fed.
 
But still our Sanford he pressed on, they initialed on the line,
He got ABN and AMRO and Westpac all to sign,
MBNA and NBC were other Sandy wins,
He worked them out o’er Chardonnays and sometimes over Zins.
 
If that were all that Sandy’d done quite frankly that’s not much,
When compared to how the skits at SMART were affected by his touch.
His acting skills are legendary-- and they run the gamut,
From a dark-haired Barney Rubble to a Monolith named Dammit.
 
But the part that he was born to play and he made the role his own,
Was a terrier named Toto-- Sandy soon was in a zone,
Like Olivier in Hamlet, his lifted leg became a cause,
Which is why he’ll always be known as the Great Whizzer of Oz.
 
There is something that all salesmen know-- and fishermen as well,
There always is that biggest sale or fish you barely smell,
Most never land that giant trout or close that largest deal,
They never find that victory they never feel that feel.
 
 
But if they could they’d give their all, they’d conquer all their fears,
And Sandy knows just what I mean, for it took him ten years.
But Teresa she was worth the wait, she made it all worthwhile,
In good times and in other times, it’s she who makes him smile.
 
And so today we celebrate our good and dear friend Sandy,
And raise a glass to honor him so get those bottles handy,
We wish you many blessings pal and a long and joyous life,
We wish the best that we can wish-- to you and to your wife!
 
Congratulations, Sandy!
and may God Bless You

 

What is SDI?

Bob Ashley
August 27, 2005

 

It was the very first of April in the year Two-Five-Oh-Five,
In a musky, dusky attic where the bugs and spiders thrive,
On the 7th moon of Saturn on a hydramatic chair,
On a torn and tattered blanket sat a most unlikely pair.

 

Now the first wore wisdom on his face, his head a shiny sheen,
The eyes though aged still were sharp, the mind why it was keen,
As he gazed upon his protégé he smiled and puffed his chest,
“He may have hair upon his scalp but I have all the rest.”

 

Then he turned and faced a wooden chest, checked length, and height and girth,
Saw the numbers read "2001", while the letters spelled out "Earth",
“My son this trunk has traveled long its mysteries to reveal,
I've called you here to gather near and break the secret seal.”

 

“Great truth is held within this box the locks are strong” said he,
“And I, Obi-wan Culolias, can explain it all you see.
But first there's something you must do, which is open it of course,
And if we cannot find the code, why we'll just use the force!”

 

So they stuck it with their fingerprints and had their retinas scanned,
They pressed their ears upon it and they even held its hand,
Then the young one spoke "Now listen hear you measly little locker.
The one who's speaking to you is the Mighty Luke Shenwalker!"

 

But no matter how they wished and asked, no matter how they pleaded,
The box it didn't answer them, their begging went unheeded,
So they pried and twisted, pulled and strained, so much did they want  in,
And then Obi he remembered he must enter in his PIN.

 

No sooner had he touched the pad than the lid why it flew back,
To first conceal and then reveal a tiny canvas sack,
And within that small container a projector they did spy,
With a holographic cartridge which was labeled "SDI".

 

 

"What is SDI?" asked Luke "That's all that's in the box?
Tell me why so much security?  And why so many locks?"
“Ah that young Jedi you must learn”, said Obi with a nod,
The truth must you discover though you might just find it odd.

 

Then “poof” the hologram came on to a youth with long black hair,
Who held aloft a two-foot disk as he leaned back in his chair,
And upon his desk beside the mess a box said Datasaab,
“It's up to you now Master Luke the mystery is your job.”

 

Luke shouted “Why it’s easy... guess I really am a star!
I've figured out that ‘SDI’ must be a Swedish car!”
“Not so”, said Obi you must look beyond what meets the eye,
Gaze without within yourself now give another try,

 

So he stared and glared with all his might, his efforts now had risen,
‘Til he saw a giant hairless man who looked right out of prison
He was standing near a kiosk and was giving it a pat,
And upon one corner it was labeled simply "Lobbe-Cat".

 

"Eureka!" shouted Luke "I know!  I really am a whiz!
An animal!  Why that is what this 'SDI' thing is!"
“You're wrong again” the old man said “now concentrate you must,
Look closer and then feel the truth your senses you must trust.”

 

A calendar said Friday and a note said "deadline near",
There was shouting in the office there was not a hint of fear,
And though the time was drawing nigh and the system would not boot,
The board the crew all leaned over said "Trivial Pursuit".
 

“This time I've truly cracked the case I know just why I came,
This ‘SDI’ is nothing more than some old silly game!”
Then Obi sighed and shook his head "You must look deeper still.
The answer it is there for you to know if you just will.”

 

Then he saw two people arguing and he heard the old one say
“A UDF is something that all systems need today,
Now Mr. Pill I once programmed myself so what's the fuss,
Just code it up and drop it in that baby you call PLUS.

 

"Ah PLUS, does that mean SDI is some new kind of math,
Have I finally made some progress, have I finally found the path?"
Now Obi thought "This guy is slow and I still am on the fence
But I'm wondering if maybe he is just a wee bit dense."

 

Then Luke watched and saw a strange new game with ten pins and a ball,
It seemed for every pin that fell the waitress got a call,
And when the evening ended they would tally up the score,
How many empty bottles and how many on the floor.

 

"Now let me think" young Luke began "that ball they are a-rolling,
If it weren't for how that Chris guy did, I'd almost say it's bowling,
Is that what SDI stands for, is it some new family fun?"
But Obi he just rolled his eyes and said "keep watching son."

 

Then he saw a Christmas party and a crowd all gathered 'round,
And a tiny wooden rocket in the center on the ground,
And the numbers they were shouted as they counted down from ten,
It whooshed and then it sat there then they laughed and tried again.

 

Inside there was a tenor sax just lighting up the place,
And a guy with nimble fingers who was rocking out on bass
Luke said “I’m going on a limb but I’ve got to take a stand,
SDI it isn’t rocket science and its not a jazzy band.”

 

Then they watched and it was Saturday late in the afternoon,
And Wayne Mao on the phone said "Dear, I'll be home very soon
I need to finish up this coding and I can't make an excuse,
For no one cuts you any slack when the product is named ZEUS."

 

Then it flashed ahead to a sign that read "We welcome you to SMART"
And everyone was dressed real strange they were just about to start,
There were togas, tigers, turtles, Totos and a guy playing a tuba,
And Flintstones, Jetsons, Austin Powers and even a Grand Poobah.

 

“I think it's fair to say” Luke said as he gave a little nod,
“That SDI's not SMART like that and it isn't a Greek God,”
“You must seek the truth within yourself so the answer you can find,
Be more like Larry, Roy or Dave and never use your mind.”

 

And he saw nine guys within a gym in tees and skins and shorts,
And one was gliding over them as he does in all the sports,
His graceful moves, his perfect shot, Boba does it all so well,
Luke said "I get the feeling 'SDI' might mean 'gazelle'"

 

Then a thousand scenes from state to state across the USA,
With signs like Brunswick, Downey and CalFed along the way,
“I think I must have got it now-- it's the signs I have to thank,
For now I know that ‘SDI’ is some sort of a bank.”

 

“You're getting closer” Obi said, “now watch things even more,
And finally you'll realize just what you've come here for,”
So he squinted hard and watched and watched and what did young Luke see?
Two hundred folks all focusing and working fervently.

 

And taking care of customers, each doing his own best,
And spending all the time it took with hardly room for rest,
And sending out releases with the creases ironed out,
Working like they owned the place-- that’s what it’s all about.

 

Then Luke looked up his eyes were bright a smile it crossed his face,
“By George I've got it!” he exclaimed “I've finally won this race,
'Cause after viewing this whole show it's plain for me to see,
That ‘SDI's’ the best there is-- a software company.!”

 

Then Obi smiled and shook his head and said "Not so Young Prince,
You've missed the point of everything” and he gave a little wince,
“Now one more time I ask of you to gaze upon the scene,
And look not just outside of things, find out what does it mean.”

 

So he looked and saw Joanna, Roger, Tom and Nick each day,
As they sat in heavy meetings and were the board in every way,
While leaders like Bob P, Teresa, Carolyn and Chuck,
Would help to set direction so we all could make a buck.

 

With old-timers  McCaffrey, Darren, Bart and Ron and Sandy,
Helen, Karen, Pati,  Lori, Craig and Chris and Randi,
Then Joan Marie and Susan B and Ted and Tim and Terri,
And Joe, Pablo and young John Soh and Carla, Russ and Jerry.

 

Tom  L and Ken, Pierre, Andrew, Tom Dang, Scott and Maureen,
Mike Hsieh and Wayne and Hiep and Patrick even Dave McQueen,
Maria, Trung and Derek, Trisha, Lucy, Ty and Gu,
And Ed and Brandi, Tommy Z, Cris M and Susan too.

 

And still the scenes kept flashing by with workers, smiles and pride,
Until finally the answer came-- Luke felt it deep inside,
And though he didn't have to say it Obi knew he wasn't wrong,
“Why SDI is people! I should have known it all along.”

 

Then they stared back at the image and they watched a little more,
And they realized the numbers were much higher than before,
For each person there at SDI had spouses, kids and others,
Like uncles, aunts and in-laws, brothers, sisters, cousins, mothers.

 

And in a way they all are part of the thing called SDI,
For they're the purpose for the work, the reason we all try,
So thanks to every one of you for coming here today,
Tomorrow we can rest a bit-- but now its time to play.

 

God Bless SDI!

Top

 
Best of the Best
Bob Ashley

November 17, 2004

 

In the city of Las Vegas in the year 2004,
They came to a convention, they came to walk the floor,
They came to see the very best, they came to run the maze,

And some, like Yancey, we all know, just came for the buffets.

 

They came though they were weighed on down with meetings, schemes and plans,
They came though they were occupied with networks, wires and WANS,
They came because the newest products they just had to see,
While Whitley came because tonight there's nothing on TV.
 
They gathered all together for some dinner, drinks and laughs,
They gathered just to talk and joke and quaff a few carafes,
They gathered so they'd have the chance to joust and wheel and deal,
And Sandy gathered when he heard that Tom would buy the meal.
 
With so much power in the house, with such a lively group,
There came a boast, after the toast, and just before the soup,
"Now you may claim that you can sell", said Todd or was it Flake,
"But there's no way that you can outsell ME for goodness sake!"
 
Another voice said "I'm the best when it comes the time for closing,
While some of you are also-rans and the rest of you are posing."
"Now knock it off!" Tom Shen yelled out "let's stop the talking trash
We'll have a bet to settle things-- and I will hold the cash."
 
"It just so happens I've a friend who's come with me tonight.
From his home near Nome, Alaska and he'll help us end this fight.
For you see he is an Eskimo, which is all quite well and nice,
And your job tonight is selling my friend Joe a load of ice."
 
First up was Tom Litwinowicz who smiled and said "Hi Joe,
My sales last year were through the roof—just thought you'd like to know.
I'll bet that like my pipe this year, your mouth is feeling dry
Which is why a load of ice is something you should really try."
 
And though Tom smiled and held the pen above the dotted line,
And though he winked and nodded and he urged him on to sign,
And though he told some lame old joke to lift Joe's spirits high,
The Eskimo just shook his head and gave a little sigh.
 
 
Next George from Florida walked up and said "Joe if I may,
I sense we have a lot in common if you'll just let me say
That after running 60 yards in a time of four-point-five,
A load of ice is what can cool me down and help me thrive."
 
But again old Joe he answered no and he slowly shook his head,
Then a sound quite odd came from Randy Todd with a booming voice which said,
"The Pinnacle was long ago but my life still has some spice,
Why every day in every drink I always put some ice."
 
Then a guy named Matt, looked 'round and spat, and said "Give me a try,
When I get through, there's no one who, won't soften up and buy,
The technique I now show, and you all will soon know, is so good that it should be unlawful,
For I zig and I zag and I flip and I flop and I call it the 'Downey-Flake' waffle."
 
And so it was that through the night each took his fiercest aim,
Doug said "Hey Joe, how 'bout we go to see a baseball game?
We'll watch the Cards, they'll play real hard, and that will be real nice,
Then when they're through, what you can do, is buy them all some ice!"
 
Next with a shot was Randi Schrott who sidled up to Joe,
She said "This selling stuff to you is something I don't know,
But one thing to be sure of is that if you ever buy,
Your ice will do just what we said-- or somebody will die."
 
Juracek said "I'm listening Joe-- to what do you object?
Would you like your ice room temperature?  Would you like the thickness checked?
Can I bring in Mr. Elmquist, just in case you'd like to know,
Why technically the product is called frozen H20?"
 
Tom Black yelled "If it's technical you want then say no more,
I'll make a simple phone call and have someone at your door,
A man who's name is Robert from a lengthy line of Pills,
A man who is the anchor in the town known as West Hills."
 
"Just initial on the dotted line and Bob will get to work,
He'll call upon his legions and they'll deal with every quirk,
We'll make you any ice you want whether crushed or cubed or block,
West Hills will do the building and my job will be to talk."
 
Then Randy Butzer said "Old friend-- it's time to work a deal,
Don't worry about how you'll pay, just think of how you'll feel,
Why not give me your John Hancock on this little paper here?
Then I'll take you out to dinner-- I might even buy the beer."
 
And though they each had made their pitch and sold for all their worth,
There could be no tougher customer than Joe on all the Earth,
He not only didn't buy from them he didn't even flinch,
He didn't budge, he didn't move and he never gave an inch.
 
And the evening might have ended with the wager as a draw,
As each of the competitors exposed a fatal flaw,
For though each was a powerhouse there was one gigantic catch,
That left each knowing finally that he had met his match.
 
Just then old Joe said "Wait a minute, who's that guy back there?
Who looks just like a Greek god-- though he doesn't have much hair.
My name is Joe and I want to know you each have had your shot,
So make your pitch now mister-- come on show me what you've got."
 
Then Nick stood up and stared at him and stood there eye to eye.
The air was thick, each waited for old Nick to make his try,
They glared 'til the Alaskan gave a nod to say "You go",
But Nick stuck out his lower lip and answered simply "No."
 
"I will not sell you any ice today or any day.
Don't need or want your business so you never have to pay.
Enjoy your stay in Vegas 'til it's time that you go home,
Have a nice life in Alaska, my regards to all in Nome."
 
"Now wait a minute" Joe replied "You can't treat me like this!
I know my rights, my money's good, and me you can't dismiss,
I'll tell you once my friend", Joe said, "and I will not tell you twice,
I want a contract right away, I demand you sell me ice!"
 
And so that's the way the evening ends, it's an old familiar song,
That once again we each should learn what we've all known all along,
For Nick you've taught us all so much, that's the way the story goes,
No one's surprised to find you selling ice to eskimos!
 
Thanks Nick!  Have a blessed evening everyone!

Top


Retiring But Definitely Not Shy
Bob Ashley
October 1, 2003

The time was late September in the year 2003,
A crowd had formed around Tom's couch to see what they could see,
Marc grabbed a mug, Tim poached a rug and Lori took a clock,
Cynthia pinched a baseball cap, all Sandy did was talk.

Now Jody fingered ballpoint pens, Cris boosted Tom's best game,
Joe didn't need the M & M's but he took them just the same,
And Ed he stood and eyed the desk, while Darren swiped the chair,
Tom Z was late so like his shot all Tommy got was air.

And as this frantic scene played out and all was done and said,
A single figure stood and watched and slowly shook her head,
"It's pitiful!" said Susan as her eyes grew moist and damp,
"Just look at all these vultures-- I thought I would get the lamp!"

And then the new girl ambled up and asked "What's going on?
An empty office usually means that somebody is gone."
"Yes" said Susan "it's the truth and it's hit us like a bomb,
"For the one who's now retiring is none other than our Tom."

"And though we may not look it we're as sad as we can be.
For Tom he is the Big Cheese, even bigger here than me."
"I'm sure you're right, you wouldn't lie, I understand that Sue,
But since I'm new I'd like to know just what does Tom Shen do?"

"It's very simple" Susan said "He does a lot each day
Like this and that and well you know it's really hard to say"
And then she stood and scratched her head and put her glasses on,
Then said "I'll tell you what come follow me and we'll ask Ron."

"He used to write Pascal" Ron said "but we had to fix his code,
We traveled lots, Tom drove the car, especially when it snowed.
He found us all D-80 jobs which was always quite the boon,
We worked until we dropped 'cause Tom had promised them the moon."


"There's lots of things Tom Shen does, ask the folks who've been around",
"Like 'Trivial Pursuit'" said Kevin spitting on the ground,
"He kept his office pretty clean" was what Karen had to say,
"And he sometimes let us use his pool" said Carolyn Boucher.

Bob Pill said "When we started PLUS, he didn't make us stop,
He didn't really help but then he didn't call a cop,
Tom Shen why he was at his best I really saw him shine,
He never interfered as Nick worked out the whole design."

And each release Tom held his peace, he didn't add a thing,
He never tried to code again, he'd had his only fling.
Teresa said "PLUS schedules were so tight I have no doubt
We never could have made it if Tom Shen had helped us out."

And then she said "to know Tom's work, if you really want to see.
"You need to ask the cream, the folks we simply call PD."
Now Wayne said "I remember when we started building ZEUS,
And Tom would come around with his ideas and then let loose."

"Then he'd share his master vision of the system of tomorrow,
Of how he'd help the customers invest and save and borrow."
Then Doc Bob added "we'd all nod and smile and nod some more,
And then go back to what we'd planned before he took the floor."

Mike Hsieh said "Tom played Freecell, it was something we would do,"
"And of the players in the game he was always number two."
"If you want to know what Tom's job was, if you want to know the facts
Then go to see the implementers, go to see those hacks."

"Tom Shen was on the bowling team" Chris Ohmstede volunteered,
"His average wasn't all that good though his style was kind of weird,
And when there was a football pool or NC-double-A,
Why Tom would always sign up-- and he usually would pay."

And Eileen said "We'd see him here on Saturdays and such,
He didn't work as hard those days 'though that's not saying much,
He'd bring us donuts, Chinese food, he'd order by the ton,
And we'd forget while chowing down that work was getting done."


Now Tim said "If you want to know one thing Tom Shen would do,
He never failed to help us out on every interview,
And who among us can forget just what we had in store,
When we sat down in his office and he closed that heavy door?"

Each of us we had prepared for questions by the score,
We'd answered those we'd heard so far and now we'd face some more,
First Tom would chit and then he'd chat and then he'd smile and say,
"What was your favorite childhood pet and where is he today?"

"And what clubs did you join at school and did you watch cartoons,
And do you like amusement parks and do you play the spoons,
Have you ever seen a hurricane and which food is the worst,
And what's your favorite manmade lake, and tell me who's on first?"

"And why do pickles taste so sour and why are they not sweet,
And what's inside your glove compartment, anything to eat?"
Though at the time it seemed quite strange as we'd sit and squirm and squeal,
Once you've been there, a bank with network down is no big deal.

Now Jenny said "When times were tough and deadlines drawing near,
You always knew that rain or shine Tom Shen would soon appear,
He'd walk around encouraging my teammates one and all,
To take a lengthy lunch so they could play some basketball."

There were guards like Roy and P