Best of the Best

Bob Ashley

November 17, 2004

In the city of Las Vegas in the year 2004,

They came to a convention, they came to walk the floor,

They came to see the very best, they came to run the maze,

And some, like Yancey, we all know, just came for the buffets.

They came though they were weighed on down with meetings, schemes and plans,

They came though they were occupied with networks, wires and WANS,

They came because the newest products they just had to see,

While Whitley came because tonight there's nothing on TV.

They gathered all together for some dinner, drinks and laughs,

They gathered just to talk and joke and quaff a few carafes,

They gathered so they'd have the chance to joust and wheel and deal,

And Sandy gathered when he heard that Tom would buy the meal.

With so much power in the house, with such a lively group,

There came a boast, after the toast, and just before the soup,

"Now you may claim that you can sell", said Todd or was it Flake,

"But there's no way that you can outsell ME for goodness sake!"

Another voice said "I'm the best when it comes the time for closing,

While some of you are also-rans and the rest of you are posing."

"Now knock it off!" Tom Shen yelled out "let's stop the talking trash

We'll have a bet to settle things-- and I will hold the cash."

"It just so happens I've a friend who's come with me tonight.

From his home near Nome, Alaska and he'll help us end this fight.

For you see he is an Eskimo, which is all quite well and nice,

And your job tonight is selling my friend Joe a load of ice."

First up was Tom Litwinowicz who smiled and said "Hi Joe,

My sales last year were through the roof—just thought you'd like to know.

I'll bet that like my pipe this year, your mouth is feeling dry

Which is why a load of ice is something you should really try."

And though Tom smiled and held the pen above the dotted line,

And though he winked and nodded and he urged him on to sign,

And though he told some lame old joke to lift Joe's spirits high,

The Eskimo just shook his head and gave a little sigh.

Next George from Florida walked up and said "Joe if I may,

I sense we have a lot in common if you'll just let me say

That after running 60 yards in a time of four-point-five,

A load of ice is what can cool me down and help me thrive."

But again old Joe he answered no and he slowly shook his head,

Then a sound quite odd came from Randy Todd with a booming voice which said,

"The Pinnacle was long ago but my life still has some spice,

Why every day in every drink I always put some ice."

Then a guy named Matt, looked 'round and spat, and said "Give me a try,

When I get through, there's no one who, won't soften up and buy,

The technique I now show, and you all will soon know, is so good that it should be unlawful,

For I zig and I zag and I flip and I flop and I call it the 'Downey-Flake' waffle."

And so it was that through the night each took his fiercest aim,

Doug said "Hey Joe, how 'bout we go to see a baseball game?

We'll watch the Cards, they'll play real hard, and that will be real nice,

Then when they're through, what you can do, is buy them all some ice!"

Next with a shot was Randi Schrott who sidled up to Joe,

She said "This selling stuff to you is something I don't know,

But one thing to be sure of is that if you ever buy,

Your ice will do just what we said-- or somebody will die."

Juracek said "I'm listening Joe-- to what do you object?

Would you like your ice room temperature?  Would you like the thickness checked?

Can I bring in Mr. Elmquist, just in case you'd like to know,

Why technically the product is called frozen H20?"

Tom Black yelled "If it's technical you want then say no more,

I'll make a simple phone call and have someone at your door,

A man who's name is Robert from a lengthy line of Pills,

A man who is the anchor in the town known as West Hills."

"Just initial on the dotted line and Bob will get to work,

He'll call upon his legions and they'll deal with every quirk,

We'll make you any ice you want whether crushed or cubed or block,

West Hills will do the building and my job will be to talk."

Then Randy Butzer said "Old friend-- it's time to work a deal,

Don't worry about how you'll pay, just think of how you'll feel,

Why not give me your John Hancock on this little paper here?

Then I'll take you out to dinner-- I might even buy the beer."

And though they each had made their pitch and sold for all their worth,

There could be no tougher customer than Joe on all the Earth,

He not only didn't buy from them he didn't even flinch,

He didn't budge, he didn't move and he never gave an inch.

And the evening might have ended with the wager as a draw,

As each of the competitors exposed a fatal flaw,

For though each was a powerhouse there was one gigantic catch,

That left each knowing finally that he had met his match.

Just then old Joe said "Wait a minute, who's that guy back there?

Who looks just like a Greek god-- though he doesn't have much hair.

My name is Joe and I want to know you each have had your shot,

So make your pitch now mister-- come on show me what you've got."

Then Nick stood up and stared at him and stood there eye to eye.

The air was thick, each waited for old Nick to make his try,

They glared 'til the Alaskan gave a nod to say "You go",

But Nick stuck out his lower lip and answered simply "No."

"I will not sell you any ice today or any day.

Don't need or want your business so you never have to pay.

Enjoy your stay in Vegas 'til it's time that you go home,

Have a nice life in Alaska, my regards to all in Nome."

"Now wait a minute" Joe replied "You can't treat me like this!

I know my rights, my money's good, and me you can't dismiss,

I'll tell you once my friend", Joe said, "and I will not tell you twice,

I want a contract right away, I demand you sell me ice!"

And so that's the way the evening ends, it's an old familiar song,

That once again we each should learn what we've all known all along,

For Nick you've taught us all so much, that's the way the story goes,

No one's surprised to find you selling ice to eskimos!

Thanks Nick!  Have a blessed evening everyone!

Retiring But Definitely Not Shy
Bob Ashley
October 1, 2003

The time was late September in the year 2003,
A crowd had formed around Tom's couch to see what they could see,
Marc grabbed a mug, Tim poached a rug and Lori took a clock,
Cynthia pinched a baseball cap, all Sandy did was talk.

Now Jody fingered ballpoint pens, Cris boosted Tom's best game,
Joe didn't need the M & M's but he took them just the same,
And Ed he stood and eyed the desk, while Darren swiped the chair,
Tom Z was late so like his shot all Tommy got was air.

And as this frantic scene played out and all was done and said,
A single figure stood and watched and slowly shook her head,
"It's pitiful!" said Susan as her eyes grew moist and damp,
"Just look at all these vultures-- I thought I would get the lamp!"

And then the new girl ambled up and asked "What's going on?
An empty office usually means that somebody is gone."
"Yes" said Susan "it's the truth and it's hit us like a bomb,
"For the one who's now retiring is none other than our Tom."

"And though we may not look it we're as sad as we can be.
For Tom he is the Big Cheese, even bigger here than me."
"I'm sure you're right, you wouldn't lie, I understand that Sue,
But since I'm new I'd like to know just what does Tom Shen do?"

"It's very simple" Susan said "He does a lot each day
Like this and that and well you know it's really hard to say"
And then she stood and scratched her head and put her glasses on,
Then said "I'll tell you what come follow me and we'll ask Ron."

"He used to write Pascal" Ron said "but we had to fix his code,
We traveled lots, Tom drove the car, especially when it snowed.
He found us all D-80 jobs which was always quite the boon,
We worked until we dropped 'cause Tom had promised them the moon."


"There's lots of things Tom Shen does, ask the folks who've been around",
"Like 'Trivial Pursuit'" said Kevin spitting on the ground,
"He kept his office pretty clean" was what Karen had to say,
"And he sometimes let us use his pool" said Carolyn Boucher.

Bob Pill said "When we started PLUS, he didn't make us stop,
He didn't really help but then he didn't call a cop,
Tom Shen why he was at his best I really saw him shine,
He never interfered as Nick worked out the whole design."

And each release Tom held his peace, he didn't add a thing,
He never tried to code again, he'd had his only fling.
Teresa said "PLUS schedules were so tight I have no doubt
We never could have made it if Tom Shen had helped us out."

And then she said "to know Tom's work, if you really want to see.
"You need to ask the cream, the folks we simply call PD."
Now Wayne said "I remember when we started building ZEUS,
And Tom would come around with his ideas and then let loose."

"Then he'd share his master vision of the system of tomorrow,
Of how he'd help the customers invest and save and borrow."
Then Doc Bob added "we'd all nod and smile and nod some more,
And then go back to what we'd planned before he took the floor."

Mike Hsieh said "Tom played Freecell, it was something we would do,"
"And of the players in the game he was always number two."
"If you want to know what Tom's job was, if you want to know the facts
Then go to see the implementers, go to see those hacks."

"Tom Shen was on the bowling team" Chris Ohmstede volunteered,
"His average wasn't all that good though his style was kind of weird,
And when there was a football pool or NC-double-A,
Why Tom would always sign up-- and he usually would pay."

And Eileen said "We'd see him here on Saturdays and such,
He didn't work as hard those days 'though that's not saying much,
He'd bring us donuts, Chinese food, he'd order by the ton,
And we'd forget while chowing down that work was getting done."


Now Tim said "If you want to know one thing Tom Shen would do,
He never failed to help us out on every interview,
And who among us can forget just what we had in store,
When we sat down in his office and he closed that heavy door?"

Each of us we had prepared for questions by the score,
We'd answered those we'd heard so far and now we'd face some more,
First Tom would chit and then he'd chat and then he'd smile and say,
"What was your favorite childhood pet and where is he today?"

"And what clubs did you join at school and did you watch cartoons,
And do you like amusement parks and do you play the spoons,
Have you ever seen a hurricane and which food is the worst,
And what's your favorite manmade lake, and tell me who's on first?"

"And why do pickles taste so sour and why are they not sweet,
And what's inside your glove compartment, anything to eat?"
Though at the time it seemed quite strange as we'd sit and squirm and squeal,
Once you've been there, a bank with network down is no big deal.

Now Jenny said "When times were tough and deadlines drawing near,
You always knew that rain or shine Tom Shen would soon appear,
He'd walk around encouraging my teammates one and all,
To take a lengthy lunch so they could play some basketball."

There were guards like Roy and Patrick Wong and forwards Wang and Juan,
There were shooters Joe and Pablo and gunners there like John,
There were guys like Ralph who'd slam the ball when Tom would give a lob,
Yet only one could do it all-- the one that they call Bob.

But getting ten could be a chore yes even for young Mel,
Sometimes she'd call "Coach" Larry, sometimes she'd sit and yell,
If you could board or shoot or pass why Tom would give the wave,
And if we still could not find ten we'd end up calling Dave.

Now sometimes Tom plays tennis when they can't find ten that day,
With David, Ted or Larry sometimes even Sam will play,
And as in b-ball some suggest Tom just might stack the teams,
In tennis Tom is blessed to have the partner of his dreams.

"It seems to me" the new girl said "I think it's all quite clear,
Tom Shen's the kind of guy no one should miss too much 'round here,
He goofs around, he messes off, he wastes a lot of time,
He eats his share and plays a lot on someone else's dime."

"I think you should be happy that his days are drawing nigh,
And it won't be long 'til each of you is telling him goodbye,
It seems to me that all of you are better off because,
There's nothing useful someone like this Tom Shen fellow does."

And then suddenly a hush, a silence fell upon that place,
Mouths flew open, eyes they bulged, there was shock upon each face,
"What does Tom Shen do?" they shouted, "what does Tom Shen do?"
Then one by one each voice rang out "we will help you get a clue."

Tom Shen why he's a planner yes he carries that big load,
Not to mention he's a risk-taker who walks the narrow road,
And Tom he was the worrier it's him we have to thank,
That paydays we would never have to rush into the bank.

But there's so much more since Tom he is a man of many caps,
Who stressed about the bigger things while some of us took naps,
Yet his door was always open and you knew there was no fear,
For there never was a subject that he didn't want to hear.

He counseled 'bout career and anger, marriage, grief and love,
And you knew when Tom was stumped why he sought counsel from above,
Sometimes he is philosopher, sometimes a leader true,
But mostly he just listens 'til he knows that you are through.

To some Tom is a co-worker, to some he is a teacher,
To some he is a rabbi, priest, or minister or preacher,
To some he is competitor who'll battle to the death,
He'll knock you down, then wait around for you to catch your breath.

To some he's been loan officer, to some an HR guy,
To some he's thrown an ethics question right into an eye.
To all he is a cheerleader who'll never let you rest,
'Til you have given all you have and done your level best.

And so today Grand Poobah as retirement is here,
It's time for each to give his thanks and raise a glass of cheer,
If we listed Tom Shen's titles why this night would never end,
But the one that means the most to all of us is simply "friend".

Thank you Tom! God Bless You! There will never be another one like you!
 

October 1, 2003


WORD

When you hear the expression "he's as good as his word"
They're talking about the man, Tom Shen's good word

Most people talk a lot, so that their voices can be heard,
But when big Tom talks, he doesn't say things that are absurd

From the West Coast to the East imagination he has stirred
With the knowledge and the grace of the Tom Shen word

When customers get out of hand and their vision has been blurred
Tom cools them down with wisdom, and only leaves when they have purred

Behind all of the mystique of the famous Tom Shen word
Lies the secret of integrity, it's the real blue bird
And it makes you as good as the Tom Shen word

When you work for Shen like the old Pil, Coons, Schratt SDI team
Your career and life blossom from the Tom's word, he's a dream
Because he knows how to treat you like the crème de la crème

Don't be thinking that Tom invented this idea, this word
Because he learned it from the Master, when the Lord spoke the Word
And he lives his life reflecting thoughts God has preferred

As Tom moves on and leaves his West Hills home at SDI
We get to keep a part of him, his word, a bond that will never die



Fred Dumas
 

A Season of Change

Bob Ashley
Christmas 2002

 'Twas early in December and the phone rang off the hook,
'Til finally Chris got the chance to glance down at her book,
And as she tried to read, and as she munched upon her snack,
Her mind began to wander and to take a fond look back.

She remembered all those many times, when Christmas would draw near,
How busy everyone would be, yet how they kept their cheer,
As they filled each special order and they did it with a smile,
And they made fun of the Man in Red while laughing all the while.

But that was then and this was now and things had really changed,
The West Pole hadn't moved at all but life was rearranged,
Back then why things had been so neat, you knew just where you stood,
Santa, why he ran the show, and things ran mighty good.

The ogres worked for Santa, and they managed all the gnomes,
The gnomes they bossed around the dwarves, even called them at their homes,
The dwarves picked on the pixies and they'd sometimes act the jerk,
The pixies ordered elves around, the elves did all the work.

And as for titles you could have whichever one you wanted,
Depending on the way you walked or which hangouts that you haunted.
Or whether you liked C++ or the way in which you grinned,
And if you didn't do the job, you were "Gone With the Wind".

And so it was that Sneezy Steve worked near to Sleepy Ron,
While Bashful Bardia and of course our own "Doc" Bob looked on,
And Grumpy Randi sighed as Happy Herman gave a wave,
And all of them just smiled as who walked up but Dopey Dave.

Now Tommy Z was called "The Brick" in honor of his touch,
While Kevin we called "In Your Face" 'cause he was blocked so much,
And Larry we all knew as "Coach" since all he did was talk,
While Tom was known as "Travelin' Man" he always walked the walk.

And yet there was a shining star who towered above the rest,
Who recognized his special skills at sports where he was best,
Whether dominating basketball or thrashing David Liao,
Awesome Ashley” earned his name and showed the others how.

But now the titles all had changed, each fit his little niche,
No longer could you make it up and do just what you wish,
The title each is known by now is based on what they do,
So Senior Pixie Darren now is "Gift Technician II".

And Maria is no longer called the "Trimmer of the Tree",
From here on out she bears the name "Generic Employee".
And Karen had real problems because when they tried to group her,
Her title became "Visor" they no longer call her "Super".

Now titles weren't the only thing that changed to something new,
The benefits had undergone some major morphing too,
Yes once we took home reindeer food and candy canes were free,
And everybody knew they'd never buy a Christmas tree.

And January was time off and spring was off as well,
You'd get aspirin for headaches every time you'd hear a bell,
But now these things have changed for good the reindeer food costs money,
The Christmas trees seem smaller and the candy canes taste funny.

And you can have the summer off in lieu of spring or fall,
And January you can work or choose no work at all,
Depending on how long you've worked you get a floating day,
With luck your balance will be right by sometime late in May.

Now way back then when you were asked who you were working for,
You'd stop and scratch your head and then you'd stop and scratch some more,
And then you'd say I think today that I report to her,
Unless the project's finished in which case I'm not really sure.

Now that made things kind of goofy, and it made things kind of fun,
And it made it kind of difficult to get your projects done,
But then had come those scary words, yes right before their eyes,
They heard what everybody dreads, the word "reorganize".

Now it all is quite confusing as to who fills just what part,
Though rumor has it all of it is written on some chart,
And though I may not have it right, I wouldn't be amiss,
When I tell you how I understand it-- something much like this.

Patrick Boone who used to be an ogre, runs a group,
Ted fetches Pat his coffee and Tom Czerny gets him soup,
Derek works on message maps, and Lori works on docs,
While Tigran every week will paint another edit box.

Now Donna works for Heather, Heather used to be a gnome,
And Carolyn is opening our offices in Rome,
And Pablo works for Kimberly who was formerly an elf,
And somehow Jerry McLemore’s reporting to himself.

Now Tim Fisher he lines buttons up, and Lily makes them grow,
And Andrew makes Pierre look good, well relatively so,
And for everybody else around there's just one simple rule,
If you don't know what it is you do, just say you're "in the pool".

Then Chris thought back to how things used to be there in the past,
How presents were all packed with pride in paper that would last,
And every box was different sized and colors changed a bit,
And we often used a shoehorn in the case it didn't fit.

No longer would that be the way that things were being done,
Folks wondered if a new approach would stifle all their fun,
They were told “to meet new schedules now, we have to make a shift”,
And so it was that they conceived the new Ultimate Gift.

Just what it was no one could say, alone it wasn't much,
But what a difference could be made with just a little touch,
Add two wheels you had a bike, two arms you had a doll,
A pogo stick, a baseball bat, this gift could do it all.

And all is what was needed, when Tom's phone began to ring,
And the caller called Synormous asked if we do everything,
"We want Christmas in December with the presents, trees and lights,
And in July we want the 4th with fireworky nights."

"And Flag Day every June we will need several Stars and Stripes,
And candy every Easter, colored eggs of many types,
Not to mention Lincoln's birthday and Labor Day and more,
Like Arbor and Memorial and other days in store."

Then finally they caught their breath and said "Please tell us now...
Is this the kind of thing you do and if it is just how?
Now if you cannot meet this need just kindly tell us so,
But if it’s something you all do, we’ll give you lots of dough.”

"You must be joking!" Tom replied "Your job's a piece of cake,
It's routine, boring, simply by-the-book for goodness sake.
And since you asked I'll tell you now just what we're going to do,
We'll handle all your holidays while giving you One View."

And when Tom set the phone down, he let out a happy yelp,
And the next word that he uttered was a loud and piercing "Help!"
Then they made a plan and built a team, it was large and smart and strong,
Yet if they didn't add some more, it'd take 'bout five years long.

So the call went out through all the world, please send us help today,
From Ireland came leprechauns, and dudes came from Bombay,
Special powers came from Austin, while Atlanta sent us aid,
We even had some Charlottans within the plans we made.

And just when things were shaping up, and things were getting done,
There came an e-mail from the top, the brass at SC-1,
"We know you folks can do the job, we know you work with pride,
But all of that's not worth a thing-- if you're not Certified!"

And so it was that still more work was added to each task,
An hour to read and then respond to everything they ask,
Now Santa learned 'bout Groundhogs Day, elves studied Halloween,
They kept on earning points and got their job done in between.

And though it didn't seem worth much, they actually learned a lot,
Important facts they'd need to know, some day in some strange spot,
They learned about the Enterprise, and how it works inside,
I know we’ll all sleep better knowing Santa’s certified!

And as Chris watched the people work and watched the project flow,
She saw small kindnesses and gifts, they couldn't help but show,
And she realized that though things had changed, the spirit was the same,
Amidst the new, the special joy of Christmas overcame.

And though some things may move around and differences occur,
If we all strive to do our best, success we can assure,
And at this wondrous time of year, the future can be bright,
If we banish all our darker thoughts and focus on the light.

No matter where, no matter who, no matter what the group,
Each member of each team within is part of one big troop,
And so to every one of you this wish is now addressed,
"May you have a Merry Christmas, may your family be blessed!"\

Merry Christmas S1!

Farewell to Mel
(aka Haiku, Gesundheit)
Bob Ashley
August 16, 2002

Mel
Is Swell

Works hard
Tom's guard

Wash cars
Clean jars

Push cart
Best part

The Call
For Ball

E-Mail
We fail

Just eight
Near late

Tom's line
Big whine

It's noon
Game soon

She begs
The dregs
John Soh
Pablo

J. Ohn
On phone

Got ten
Again!

The way
They play

Tom Z
Can't See

Larry
Scary

Juan
Never On

Tom Shen
Walks again

McQueen
Still green

Dave Liao
Sick cow

Bob A
What can you say!

They run
Game done

Much fun
Tom won

Came here
Three year

SDI
Why?

S1
Still fun

We know
Must go

To school
That's cool

She'll leave
We'll grieve

Our best
Be blessed
Not stressed

Bye now
Miss Chow

Mel iss a
Friend
The End
 

A Bright, New Christmas
2001

It started very simply lo those many years ago,
Tom was sitting in his office but the day was going slow,
Then he thought about the birthday he’d attended just last night,
How the gifts made all the children laugh with smiles oh so bright.

So he said “That’s it!  I’m done, I’m through!  I’m gone as of today,
I’m cleaning out my desk, HR can send my final pay”,
Then he headed home to tell the wife their current life was through,
For he had a great idea yes he knew just what he would do.

He told his wife not once not twice yet still she scratched her head,
“Now let me get this straight” she smiled “You’re dressing all in red...”
“And you’re trading in the Beamer for a super king-size sleigh,”
“You’re aware that in the Valley it was 95 today?”

Then Tom shouted “That’s the best part!  Why we’re moving out of town
No more with all this heat and dust that always gets you down,
I’ve sold the house, the stocks, the bonds, we lost a bit it’s true,
But real estate is bargain priced at the place we’re going to!”

“And remember how you’ve always wanted room to have a pet,
How’d you like to have an elk or wait-- a reindeer better yet?”
“If you really want to know” she smirked “a penguin is my goal”,
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Tom said “they’re at the other pole!”

“Now wait a minute husband dear I hate to jerk your chain,
Why are you doing all of this, have you really gone insane?”
“Far from it Babe I have a dream to build a million toys,
And take them all around the world to give to girls and boys.”

“Okay”, she said, “I hear the plan, I understand the dream,
But how will you turn a profit with your brilliant little scheme?”
“It’s obvious” he answered “you don’t know the Internet,
Why 98% of comp’nies haven’t made one yet!”

“It’s all ‘bout market share, why we’ll give millions as a test,
And then we’ll build more toys and then we’ll give them to the rest,
I need a name” Tom said “I like that city with the pier”,
“But drop the Monica” Joanna said “sounds funny to my ear.”

“That phobia you have where you don’t like to be shut in,
Why that would make a great last name-- now we’re ready to begin”,
Then “Santa Claus” as he was known and Joanna dropped the key,
And moved on North, then Norther still, as North as North can be.

They started in that very day, kept right on building toys,
On Christmas Day they gave them out and oh what special joys,
“It’s wonderful” Joanna laughed “I’ve never had more fun”,
But Santa wasn’t happy “there’s so much more to be done”.

“We only gave a thousand toys which was really pretty good,
But it’ll take a lot more folks to do the job I think we should.”
And so it was a famous name became part of our lore,
Yes Santa Dynamics, Incorporated opened up its door.

It started out quite modestly with just a couple elves,
Soon Karen, Kevin and Ron why they were filling up the shelves,
And all the toys were custom made yes each and every one,
Their work went on both day and night seemed it never would be done.

Now Karen dressed traditionally in pointy shoes of green,
And Kevin wore the things no other elves had ever seen,
Hawaiian shirt, Hawaiian cap, Hawaiian jacket hood,
While Ron dressed all in green looked like the Twenty-Acre Wood.

Then finally that Christmas came and they filled up Santa’s sleigh,
He had to make ‘bout fifty trips, man what a hectic day,
The horse was nearly beat to death, the elves were sick and tired,
If  Santa hadn’t been the boss, he might have just got fired.

And that’s the way it went for them throughout the early years,
Each day they pounded out the toys, each night they drank some beers,
They added elves like Carolyn and Randi, Bart and Bob,
But Santa wasn’t satisfied to do a so-so job.

“What we need’s an assembly line, to build a whole lot more,
We’ll get some pointy-headed elves to build a standard core,
That we’ll put on a conveyor belt, and get a bunch of geeks,
To stick things here and glue things there and make each toy unique.”

“Then just watch out!” old Santa yelled “we’re going on a tear,
We’ll make toys by the millions and deliver everywhere!”
“Now hold on just a second Tom”, he heard Joanna chide,
“Remember how last Christmas why your horse it nearly died?”

“I hate to burst your bubble Tom and I hate to kill your joys,
But we can’t find kids who want to take our current stock of toys”.
“You underestimate me Dear, for you see I have a trick,
I’ve hired on an old bald-headed ogre called St Nick”.

“As for a team to pull the sleigh I’ve covered that as well,
Although we’re going to have to learn to live with the new smell,
I’ve hired reindeer Charles and Ken, and Tom and Sandy too,
And though they mostly sit around there’s something great they do.”

“Remember how the horse got stuck in traffic jams and such,
We’d sit for hours not able to deliver very much,
These reindeer why they fly above, without a single care,
For every one of them is simply loaded with hot air!”

Now Santa’s plan it worked they grew at a rate that was absurd,
And so it was that “specialize” became the magic word,
One group why it worked just with bikes, one built a standard doll,
Pati’s group had video games while Jenny’s basketball.

Bob Ashley specialized in net, and Larry just in rim,
While Kevin specialized in whine, now isn’t that like him?
Each elf would focus in on some dear subject of his choosing,
But as for Tommy Z, his only specialty was losing.

And through the years more elves were hired, Joe, Lily, Cristian, Juan,
Danai and Hymn and Craig and Susan all of these signed on,
The supervising elves why they had Lena on the run,
They’d say “we need more elves if we’re to get our projects done!”

HR replied “We’re trying hard we’ve hired every elf,
Who’s capable of any kind of thinking for himself,
We bent those rules for Dave, but now before you start to moan
I’ve hired our first leprechaun a guy named Jason Ohn.”

Santa said “We need a new workshop with lots of room within,
Don’t worry ‘bout parking our elves sleighs I’m sure they’re very thin,
We need something young and spacious and bright and clean and fancy,
Think more like someone from PD and less like old MikeYancey.”

And so that’s how the story went for eighteen crazy years,
The ups, the downs, good times and bad, brought many laughs and tears,
‘Til one day Santa realized there wasn’t much to say,
There were presents all around the world delivered Christmas Day.

And Mrs. Claus she wanted to retire from the cold,
St. Nick and Roger thought the whole idea was getting old,
Then just about that time there came a knock upon the door,
And a guy named Jamie said “It is the boss I’m looking for.”

“It just so happens our firm works with many folks like you,
From what we know it seems we do a lot of what you do,
We make candy every Halloween and eggs for Easter Day,
We think we may just have a match so what do you folks say?”

“We make fireworks each July 4th, and flowers for Valentines,
Plant trees for every Arbor Day, for New Years we make wines,
It seems to us that both our firms should try to make a deal,
We’ll make your owners rich and to your elves we will appeal.”

And so it was before too long the deal was neatly done,
And Santa, elves and leprechauns joined in to SC-1.
The future it seems bright indeed with growth that never ends,
As we say a fond farewell to our old group of owner friends.

Now to every elf, to every dwarf, to leprechauns and gnomes,
May you have a blessed Christmas full of light inside your homes.

Merry Christmas, SDI!

In the Time of Nick
October 28, 2001
Bob Ashley


The outlook it was bleak at Big Behemoth Bank that day,
The RFP had just arrived we’d filed it all away,
But the bucks were scarce and so we knew we all must give a try,
We had to win the business just to save old SDI.

So Tom called together management to read that giant tome,
To print it took ‘most half a day, each took a chapter home.
While Randi studied screen layouts and Pati looked at docs,
Chris O perused their message builds and Patrick read the box.

Now the features that bank wanted why they went beyond what’s right,
And we promised things we never should have just to win the fight,
Like retina scan, joystick command and recognizing voices,
And buttons in 4d were some of their more goofy choices.

And still requests came pouring in-- if we should want a chance,
We’d need to list the rainfall in each little town in France,
Soon after they had dumped another load upon our plate,
We gathered Tom had had enough as we heard him holler “Wait!”

“There seems to be no end to all the features they require,
Like this new demand the system must resist an average fire,
The only way that they’ll believe we know what we can do,
Is for us to build it in a week and show it all is true.”

“We must create a proof of concept we must pull out all the stops,
Use the folks who fix the copiers and those who push the mops,
Use the best from Client Services and Standard Systems too,
Pull in Cynthia from Admin, from PD pull in George Gu.”

“We’ll get Carolyn and Joan Marie and Roger on the case,
Juan Carlos just to speed things up and Dave to slow the pace,
We’ll get Joanna and Aleta, Susan M and Carol Chow,
If we’re not sure just what to do why we’ll ask Herman Hou.”

So we called in everyone in sight and drove them ‘round the clock,
Even Kevin Wong worked overtime, now how’s that for a shock?
In three days time the system really started to look good,
With dialogs of green and blue, and totals what they should.


Now Phyllis and Maria finished Teller Monday night,
And Platform Ted and Craig knocked off by Tuesday’s morning light,
WebTeller followed Wednesday at the hands of Pam and Wayne,
By Thursday Jeanie Mose had scheduled twenty folks to train.

By Friday Pill and Wacker had the call center online,
On Saturday why CRM was looking mighty fine,
By evening Ginger Miller had the last transaction tested,
And so it was the seventh day the weary workers rested.

Now the first thing Monday morning why Tom ran right to the bank,
With a CD in his hand he said “You’ve got SDI to thank”
“For having built your system in the span of seven days,
If you sign right now I’m giving everyone who helped a raise.”

Then the bank execs said “Gee we’re really not sure what to do...”
We don’t often make decisions in a single year or two,
We like to think things over, we just need a lot more time,
So include a bit of filler in your silly little rhyme.”

(Now filling space is something that this author really likes,
As much as watching Jason Ohn and Cris play on their trikes,
And taking digs at those who don’t play basketball so well,
Like Tommy Z whose game is not the only thing to smell.)

The bank execs they called Tom back and scheduled the next day,
For a meeting to discuss their plans Tom asked them what to say,
Don’t show us software you have built or demos, facts or charts,
To win this deal you’ll have to do it with the speaking arts.

Now gloom had settled in to all the folks at SDI,
“We’ll never sell this customer” Tom added with a sigh,
Then all at once a light went off, a bell began to peal,
“We’ve got to call in Mighty Nick, why he can close this deal!”

But then the truth it settled in Nick might not get a chance,
‘Cause first was scheduled Sandy Coons to give his song and dance,
And next came Tom Litwinowicz and Leffner followed him,
Then Charles came on I’m telling you the hopes were getting dim.

The next day dawned all bleak and gray, like Michael Yancey’s hair,
Before they knew it Sandy why he rose up from his chair,
He opened up his Powerpoint and to everyone’s surprise,
When he was done not anyone had even blinked his eyes.

Then Tommy Lit he stood and smiled and told a little joke,
The one about the chicken with the old guitar that broke,
And though of course it’s known by almost all who’ve lived and died,
The bank execs, yes every one, they laughed until they cried.

Then came a little glimmer there of hope within Tom’s heart,
Perhaps somehow the chance would come for Nick to do his part,
Yes even though the bank execs were brain dead one and all,
Even now it’s even money if old Nicky gets the ball.

But then came Kenny Leffner with a suitcase full of fun,
He had talked ‘bout ninety minutes by the time that boy was done.
Yet somehow something Ken had said must’ve really touched a nerve,
For soon they brought in coffee, cake and other things to serve.

Then Tom stared at his agenda and his fear was oh so real,
Yet even now he knew that Mighty Nick could close the deal,
He shut his eyes and said a prayer as he waited for the show,
If the bank could sit through Whitley’s talk why anything might go.

Then he saw that bulky body rise and he watched that silly grin,
As he waited for that whiny voice to suddenly begin,
But in those next thirty minutes why he heard an angel soar,
As Charles why he waxed eloquent, he even waxed the floor.

Then suddenly the room was filled with worry, stress and fear,
As Mighty Nicky stood and smirked and gave a little sneer,
He said “Go on, ask a question, ask me anything you like...”
The banker said “Please tell us when there’ll be an interest hike.”

“That ain’t my style” old Nick replied “I don’t do stuff like that,
I never make predictions and I don’t much like to chat.
This question stuff is interesting, yes really rather fun,”
But the banker took his pencil out and checked box number one.

Then the banker glared at Nicky’s eyes and reached into his bag,
Removed a book, then opened it and pulled a little tag,
And he smiled a crooked smile at Nick and gave an evil laugh,
As he said “explain your strategy and do it with a graph.”

And then Nick’s ears they turned bright red as he began to fume,
And every eye was fixed on him throughout the chilly room,
Then Nick replied “Why strategize? What makes you think we do?”
But the banker took his pencil out and checked box number two.

Now the room grew deathly silent and the air it hung with hate,
As Nick just stood there grimacing, about to meet his fate,
The banker said “All right my friend, it’s time for us to see
Just what you have to say to this—our question number three.”

Then the banker paused to think and then he gave his final try,
As he asked with venom in his voice “why buy from SDI?”
Nick formulated his response and gave the venom back
“You know our deal’s the best so why not sign the paper Jack!”

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright.
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And, somewhere men are laughing, and little children squeal,
And there’s joy today in West Hills, Mighty Nicky’s closed the deal!

Nick, you are an inspiration to us all.
God bless you in your retirement!

Tribute to a Friend
Good-bye to Bart
September 2001


We come today to celebrate
The life of our friend Bart,
Mere words can never say just what
Is felt within each heart.

So many lives have been so touched,
By things he’d say or do,
So many memories shared by all,
So many just by two.

A simple man but bright and kind,
Though it took some time to know him,
The sort of guy who’d never go,
For some goofy, cornball poem.

Many of us first met Bart,
When he started on his job,
SDI was small, with Carolyn, Ron,
Tom, Karen, Kev and Bob.

As was the custom way back when,
Which was what it had to be,
The policy was sink or swim,
And the learning OJT.

Through hard work and stubborn effort,
Bart did more than just get by,
His dedication, brains and skill,
Helped breathe life in SDI.

Bart traveled ‘round from bank to bank,
And he often worked ‘til dawn,
Didn’t seem to mind being out of town,
(‘Course he shared a house with Ron!)

One fateful day Tom called on Bart,
Knowing he’d become the key,
He sent him to the Great White North,
And a bank called NBC.

When Bart was gone we’d see him once,
Each Christmas Party day,
Even heard him speak Canadian,
Saying “same ol’, same ol’, eh?”


Now each time Bart would come back home,
To visit with his mates,
He looked more like Grizzly Adams,
And less like Billy Gates.

Then one day we all noticed,
A stranger in Bart’s chair,
With stylish clothes and shiny shoes,
And neatly slicked back hair.

We saw our friend was overjoyed,
And his smile was full of life,
It brought us all great happiness,
That Bart found such a wife.

Yes Bart came home and settled down,
And grabbed life by the throat,
Went to Europe, opera, theater,
Even wore a tie and coat!

Which is not to say Bart didn’t work,
CRM he helped to birth,
He gave and was a great boss too,
Can we measure what that’s worth?

In all the time with all the stress,
With all the pressures too,
Bart never failed to help or care,
Or to do what he could do.

Now these are all the ways that we’ll,
Remember our good friend,
He’ll live inside each one of us,
In a flame whose light won’t end.

Thank you Bart.
We’re better people because of you.

Who Saves Christmas 2000?

In a run-down old building in Kalamazoo
Not far from the corner of Route 22,
Sat a dirty old office that quite frankly stank,
And the sign on the door proclaimed "Worst Federal Bank."

And inside that building in subbasement four,
Behind an old furnace hung a tall wooden door,
And etched there in letters much less then an inch,
Read "President Thaddeus Wertzheimer Grinch."

Now out of that door came a shriek and a yell,
As a high-pitched falsetto first rose and then fell,
Then came again screaming and shouting and such,
It was almost unheard of, at least not that much.

And the words which emerged they were rude they were crude,
Things like "crapsnapper, kerndell, and flyschlipping snewd!"
And "Gerfmuzzel, tingmelster, jurgle and jarm,"
And then, "Pardon Mein Herr please let go of my arm?"

"Who are YOU," shouted Grinch! "Dare you talk back to me?
While profits are down to the size of a pea?
Why let me just tell you some interesting facts,
'Cause I am the boss and you're just Teller Max!"

"But starting tomorrow you've got a new job,
That's suited to such an impertinent slob,
Yes, my young German friend you've a new title now,
You are 'Finder of Systems No Matter Just How.'"

"Yes your job is to find us the finest there is,
To save the bank money and work like a whiz,
And deliver all products and services too,
Across every channel that's what it must do."

"And IF that new job were not too much to ask,
I will add a new twist to your upcoming task,
Deadline to install, hmm, what do you say?
How 'bout 6:27 PM Christmas Day?"

"But that isn't fair!" shouted Max, "it's not right!
Vy, who can deliver a schedule so tight?"
"You've a point," shouted Grinch sounding too overjoyed,
"And if you can't do it you'll be unemployed!"

Now Max he stormed out of the door with a scowl,
Thinking how could he work for a fiend so darn foul,
Then his mind gently drifted to home far away,
Where Maxine and Maxie would meet him each day.

So he vowed he would fight, he would scour,
He would hunt for that system with each waking hour,
He would read through trade journals like "Corporate Finance",
And "S & L Monthly" and "Banking in France".

Yes he'd check "Online Trends" and then skim "Counting Beans"
And he'd read a short piece in "Financial Machines"
He'd devour "Modern Passbook" and "Greed as a Goal",
Even "More Chicken Soup for the Bank Exec's Soul".

As he flipped the remote late that night in despair,
After buying some pills to lose weight and grow hair,
Why young Max rubbed his eyes not just two times but three,
For he stumbled upon public access TV.

And there big as life stood our own Sandy Coons,
Doing what he's been doing for so many moons,
And then after a plug for Viagra-laced juice,
Sandy touted the merits of SDI's ZEUS.

And he told of the why and the where and the who,
How it blazes through Platform and Call Center too.
And he sang of rich client, WEBTeller and more,
And he talked and he talked' 'til they showed him the door.

And so bright the next morning young Max placed the call,
And he said, "give me ZEUS muti-channel and all,
And fax me a contract I'll fill in the date,
We'll pay cash, by the way, is December too late?"

"Not a problem," Tom said, "why that sounds about right
So we'll send a signed contract-you'll have it tonight."
Then Tom said, "By the way, I don't wish to be brash,
Did I hear you correctly when you said you'd pay in cash?"

Then Tom set down the phone and he let out some whoops
And he shouted "come on I feel GOOD let's play hoops!"
So Mel called the boys and they drove to the gym,
And Tom let all the talented guys play with him.

First he choose Yoora then Ralph and then Roy,
Then he made a great move all the while acting coy.
For he skipped over Larry and Tommy quite brashly,
And rounded his team out by choosing Bob Ashley.

And oh what a battle that day they all fought,
Pablo got stuffed, Kevin Wong missed a lot,
Juan Carlos was injured and let out a howl,
While Alex he called every tricky-tack foul.

And David he drove, he was way above par.
'Course we're not talking basketball, Dave drove his car.
And McQueen why he dribbled-as strange as that sounds,
Of course usually off of his KNEE out of bounds.

And so BOBA he shut down Zapata and Larry,
While Tom's hook was on, never mind the small carry,
And Roy hit from downtown and gave Steve the slip,
So that when the dust settled the score was four-zip.

I don't have to tell you Tom had a great day,
But wouldn't you know it such luck couldn't stay,
First thing in the morning Tom heard a small knock,
And Patty said, '"scuse me but we need to talk."

"I checked out this contract that just came in
And I think that perhaps it's not really win-win,
To read the fine print will depress you I fear,
Did you realize the deadline is Christmas THIS year?"

"Why that just can't be so! There must be some mistake!
What kind of a system could anyone make?"
Tom said, "Now I know that from me this sounds funny
We'll just cancel the deal and send back all their money."

"That's the problem," said Patty, "But here's what's so bad
I checked out the contract and it's ironclad.
Deliver on Christmas," she said with a sigh,
"Or Worst Federal Savings will OWN SDI!"

So Tom called a meeting of Roger and Nick,
Then he summoned Joanna and Yancey right quick,
And he called in Ron Tidwell and then Randi Schrott,
Then he asked just how more people we've got.

And he called Pierre and he called Trung Thai,
Why Tom even beckoned that Lodenquai guy,
Then he called Pat Padden and he called in Yvonne,
And he prodded and pushed and he urged each one on.

And Tom yelled, "More ideas! I'll call more every hour!"
As he summoned the sum of the greatest brain power,
I suppose that the lot of them might be there still,
If he hadn't decided to call in Bob Pill.

Now Bob he sat down and he thought and he thought,
He pondered some more till his forehead got hot,
Then he raised up his hand and he said, "Won't be fun,"
"But we haven't a choice we must get the job done!"

Before too long an e-mail came announcing the grim news,
Work nights, weekends, and holidays we all must pay our dues.
Tom said, "I won't insult you all with extra perks or pay,
Because my friends it seems that Grinch has stolen Christmas away."

Meanwhile deep within the walls of customer Worst Fed,
As Grinch himself he heard the news his ears grew brighter red,
Max said, "You gave an order that you thought I'd never fill,
Though no one else could do the job I've found a firm who vill!"

"Who vill you say?" old Grinch replied, "Who vill can get it done?
Well we shall see oh yes we shall I think it might be fun,
We'll ask them for the moon we shall, for everything and more,
And then we'll ask to change it all who knows whatever for."

Now back at SDI the folks were divvied into groups,
Clarice designed, Jeanine wrote hooks, Chris O just coded loops,
And every team helped other teams not any one would shirk,
Why someone even said that they saw Karen doing work.

And Cris McRae was drafted by his team to help PD,
For lines were blurred, distinctions dropped, the system was the key,
When Cris showed up to do the job Ed Tsang said, "Thanks a bunch.
It sure is good to have someone to fetch our team their lunch."

We pulled out all the stops and summoned all our brains and wits,
And even the Atlanta team came forth to show true grits,
Tom said, "How can we do much more, if more is what we seek,
Why even Nicks picked up the pace, he's now in twice a week!"

So Ken helped Bart and Craig helped Joan and everyone helped Mike,
Kevin, Tony, Lara, and Wayne all shared the loan alike,
And though Aleta worked all night and Garske stopped his play,
They knew that still they had to find more hours in the day.

Tim said, "From what I've heard we're s'posed to do just what it takes,
I've noticed that a lot of time is spent on bathroom breaks,
The young folks here at SDI can find another way,
We'd save some time and money too-so Pamper them I say!"

Now management agreed this was a thought out of the box,
Which clearly had to happed to put more time on their clocks,
Then someone asked if Tim had thought of Charles and all his friends,
He answered, " As for Whitley you might say it all Depends."

Before too long against all odds the plans they came together,
Though it had been a week since anyone had seen the weather,
And so it was decided that a demo should be done,
On Christmas Eve old Grinch showed up to see the system run.

Everyone lined up to watch standing silently like brothers,
They held their breath which helped a lot-for some more than for others,
They gazed as every function there was put through its own pace,
And noticed how each glitch would bring a sneer to Grinch's face.

Then something switched the slightest bit, no one could tell just what,
They felt the gloom depart the room they felt it in each gut,
To their surprise the Grinch face changed and then old Grinch let slip,
The smallest hint, yes just a touch, a smile upon his lip.

And then to their amazement something still talked of today,
Old Grinch sent everyone home for a week with double pay.
Somehow the Grinch had seen the light for Christmas was alive.
And even if three months went by the bank would still survive.

Tom had to ask just what went on, he couldn't let it rest,
He knew that somehow something must have brought out Grinch's best.
Then Grinch he said, "Now I'll admit I'd acted like a jerk.
But I guess I couldn't stand to see that little boy at work."

And that's how Christmas Day was saved that strange and fateful year,
Yes all the SDIers spent a special time to cheer,
And Tom he kept the secret so he wouldn't seem too mean,
He never told old Grinch that is was Jason he had seen!

And now to you and each of yours, from me and all of mine,
May no one ever steal Christmas, may it always shine,
Though some things change and rearrange I wish you blessings still,
And a Christmas rich to all of you Who Vill!

Merry Christmas, SDI!

Christmas Spirit 1999


'Twas bright and early Friday morn,
At SDI West Hills,
And everyone was working hard,
Yes, even Jason Mills.

And everyone was doing just,
What everybody does,
Gen used her Whitt, while Ed just Tsang,
The place was all abuzz.

And Esther shouted in the phone,
"Can I be Frank with you?"
"Okay replied the customer,"
"If you're not Moody too!"

Now both the Brookes were babbling,
And Tony was Cryan,
While SS1 was going strong,
'Crept Cris and Dale and Brain.

And Time was checking Christmas bulbs,
For Y2K compliance,
And then he planned to check the floor,
And every large appliance.

"Refrigerators they're the worst
Why they could kill you dude,"
Tim said, "that's why I've volunteered
To sample all the food."

"And next I'm off to Cleveland,
I just know it won't be fun,
And if no plane will leave on time,
Why, I'll just Charter One!"

"I must be sure our Cleveland team,
Is safe where the reside,
Yes Peggy, Ted, and Mo,
Why they're our greatest source of pride."

I'll check each place they hang their hat,
I'll spend my own last dime,
And at 50 bars per hour,
I should just be done in time."

"And then I'll fly down south and east,
I've only got a week,
The job it doesn't scare me much,
I just hate it when they speak!"

"So I did what Carla told me to,
And watched Hee-haw every night,
I'd rather hear a chalkboard scratched,
Or two tomcats in a fight."

But now I'm ready to protect,
Our fine Southeastern crew,
Herman, Robert, Randy, Dick,
And even Jerry too."

"I will gladly check compliance
On their chicken, corn, and pone,
But I tell you I must draw the line,
For grits they're on their own."

"And the I'll head out West again,
To the office we call home,
After stops in London, Spain, and Greece,
And Paris, Nice, and Rome."

Then Tim was interrupted,
By a loud insistent moan,
It came from Tom who shouted now,
Into his helpless phone.

And from his office Tom's voice rang,
"It's 1999!",
"We've got this great new office,"
"So now all we need's a sign."

"Nothing too pretentious,"
"And nothing cute or fancy,"
"Something kind of dull and gray,"
"Like Nick or Charles or Yancey".

"Why we'll mount it on the building,"
"So just barely is it showing,"
"Make it twice as big as Sterling,"
And 'bout ten times big as Boeing!"

"All we need is three initials,"
"Bolt 'em tightly have no fear,"
"Don't worry 'bout any roof holes boys,"
''Cause it never rains round here."

Then came a voice that drowned Tom out,
As unlikely as that seems,
Said Ron, "This time we'll build it right,"
"The rocket of my dreams!"

"Every year I launch them up,
While everyone chuckles,
And when they fail I'm so ashamed,
I sit and clench my knuckles."

"But not this time!" Ron shouted out,
As he dialed his outside line,
"Yes let me have the number
Of a place called Rocketdyne."

"It's not for sale, what do you mean?
I'm not some Commie scum!"
Ron slammed the phone,
And clenched his fist and chomped down on his gum.

"All right for you, that's fine!" Ron said,
"There must be someone nice,
Who'll sell a guy some armament,
At a real attractive price."

No sooner had Ron said the words,
Than his phone began to ring,
A voice said, "I heard you made a wish,
And I have just the thing."

"It fits my budget," Ron replied,
"And you're sure it's not a dud?
I'm not familiar with the name,
You say it's called a Scud?"

A week went by and soon it came,
The Christmas Party day,
Each department trimmed itself,
In its own distinctive way.

Admin made a lovely wreath,
Of surplus coffee mugs,
Atlanta bought an evergreen,
And covered it with bugs.

Ed's group created Christmas bows,
From surplus RFCs,
QA said, "we won't make our own,
We'll just destroy PDs."

The Doc Group papered all the walls,
With manuals and such,
The illustrations, charts, and graphs,
Were such a special touch.

Standard Systems they made cookies,
Each one just like the rest,
'Cept they all varied just a bit,
And each one thought his the best.

And Sales they did what Sales will do,
The sang their same old tunes,
And decorated all their cubes,
With bright "hot air" balloons.

Then Tom he gave his yearly talk,
And told us how things went,
And let us know about the dough,
Each dollar, dime, and cent.

And finally the moment came,
We wait for every year,
When Ron he flies his rocket,
And it fails and then we cheer.

So we lined up in the parking lot,
And Ron he took his place,
Then he prepared the launching pad,
A smug look on his face.

The count proceeded 10, 9, 8...
7, 6, 5, 4...
"We have ignition", Ron proclaimed,
"3, 2, 1" then a roar.

"Where'd it go?" The crowd exclaimed,
"It must be way up high,
It took off like a shot,
But we don't see it in the sky."

Then someone said "Look there, oh no..."
The sign upon the roof,
Those giant letters Tom adores,
There's been a real bad goof."

For standing there alone and bare,
For all the world to see,
Were nothing but two letters left,
An "S" and then a "D".

I guess you know what Ron had done,
We all know what he did,
The rocket went astray,
And shot our "I" out kid.

Then in the spirit of the season,
We all said, "forget it Ron,
Let's just say we're 'Super Duper',
And then let's all party on."

Now may that spirit of forgiveness,
And peace and joy and love,
Be the spirit of our Christmas,
Filled with blessings from above.

And as we celebrate this year,
And laugh and sing and play,
May we all take time to just say thanks,
For the gift of Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas, SDI!

Christmas 1998
"Clause-Trophobia"


The party it was over,
And folks were going home,
Ron had shot his rocket,
And Bob had read his poem.

And Nick had eaten way too much,
As Nick is prone to do,
And Kevin had a little nap,
And threw up on his shoe.

And Scott collected cans and stuff,
From mixers, drinks, and cokes,
He takes them in for extra cash,
While Pat recycles jokes.

And Tim he locked his office door,
For his greatest Christmas joys,
Before he turns them in for tots,
He plays with all those toys.

And Susan she was working late,
'Cause work's her middle name,
She begged and cried and made her list,
For Monday's b-ball game.

The sales force hid in corners,
They cowered, squealed, and drooled,
Afraid to play against PD,
Lest they be soundly schooled.

And Tom made plans to head for home,
He packed the things he'd need,
Like sneakers, shorts, and basketballs,
And comic books to read.

Then Tom thought he saw Larry,
And it caught him unawares,
Reflexively Tom elbowed him,
And knocked him down the stairs.

A leg was twisted, ankle turned,
A bruise was on his head,
When Tom ran up to render aid,
To the man dressed all in red.

The mad said, "Sir, a businessman
Is what you seem to be.
Who knows about contracts, suits, and such,
And liability!"


"If you're aware of all of that,
There's no need I should pause,
For surely you're familiar
With the famous Santa Clause."

"Which says that should one injure me,
By stair or flood or fire,
Then he must take the job himself,
And I can now retire."

"There must be some way out," Tom yelled,
"There must be some mistake,
Why I know-I'll call Yancey,
For he's the master flake."

Santa said, "Son, just get used to it,
It's really not that bad,
In a century you'll have it wired,
'Sides the contract's ironclad."

"But I can't do this on my own,
Why it's too much for just me,"
Then he had a thought and slyly said,
"Hmm...now just you let me see..."

Before too long there Tom did sit,
Atop the mighty sled,
Dressed now in fur and leather boots,
He cracked his whip and said...

"Now Andrew now Randi now Tommy now Darren,
On Cindy and Terri and Marta and Karen,
And Debbie and Donna and Derek and Moody,
And Rusty and Jason, come on it's you duty!"

And out in front of all that pack,
In a striking reindeer pose,
None other than sir Sandy Coons,
In his goofy red-ball nose.

"This isn't fair, it isn't just!"
Said Joe and Jenny too,
"You can't force us, we have the right,
To say what we should do!"

Tom said, "You two can have your say,
And scream with all your might,
But I'm the boss and I tell you,
To Wongs don't make a right."

So everyone at SDI
Was made to join the fun,
Each pitched in with all he had,
Besides Tom had a gun.

Then Robert, Cris, and Robin,
Thinking only of themselves,
Dressed all in green and pointy shoes,
And claimed, "We're senior elves."

"We'll tell you what you all should do
Like how to pack the sleigh
"Cause management is really hard,
So do everything we say."

And Charles, as kissups often do,
Said, "I'll help-never fear!"
Tom said, "Thanks Chuck now take this broom
And follow those reindeer."

And so Tom found a job for each,
They wrapped, they cooked, they sang,
For once he put PD to work,
Even Jensen, Pill, and Tsang.

But Tom he wasn't through just yet,
He said, "I feel so jolly"
That he gave the elves the order,
"Deck Minhal with boughs of holly."

And so my friends it's Christmas time,
And I am warning you
If you're not one to have some fun,
It'll be on your review.

And if you see something red some night,
Just twinkling in the sky,
Turn toward your spouse and smile and say,
"I once worked for that guy."

May all of you and all your kin,
And all whom you hold dear,
Have a blessed, joyous Christmas,
And a fabulous New Year.

Merry Christmas SDI!

A Special Christmas
1997

One cold December 24th
As day moved into night,
In the offices of SDI,
There burned one single light.

An E-Mail here, a memo there,
The work was never done,
‘Twas Christmas time and yet he knew
For him there’d be no fun.

He trudged out to the parking lot,
And climbed behind the wheel,
He knew this wasn’t how a guy
Like him was s’posed to feel.

With projects late and tempers short,
And a loss at basketball,
Just for a moment it crossed his mind,
That he might end it all.

But before that thought could see the light,
Before he made a choice,
He heard a sound and turned around,
Then recognized the voice.

“I wouldn’t do it if I were you”,
“It really isn’t cool”
“To look a gift horse in the mouth”
“Breaks every kind of rule.”

“If you’re so clever” Tom replied,
“If you’ve really come that far”,
“Then tell me Mr. Parker”,
“What you’re doing in my car.”

“Call me Clarence”, Parker said,
“I’ve been sent here just for you”,
“You may think I manage SS1”,
“But I’m really AS2”.

“So you’re my angel”, Tom intoned,
As he leaned upon the horn,
“Then grant my wish my little man”,
“That I was never born.”

No sooner had he said the words,
Then something seemed to change,
There was no one in the back seat,
And that seemed a little strange.

Then Tom he slapped his forehead,
And he said “Boy what a jerk!”,
“I forgot my briefcase on my desk.”
“Guess I’ll drive back to work.”

So he U-turned on Topanga,
And as he drove along,
Once he got to Nordhoff,
He knew something was quite wrong.

I must be tired Tom shook his head,
I drove past SDI,
So slowly he retraced his path,
Until something caught his eye.

The neon sign, the flashing lights,
Spelling out Nine-four-oh-oh,
Read “Tidwell’s Strip-o-rama”,
“Don’t miss our evening show.”

Tom pulled into the parking lot,
And drove up to the door,
Ron stood out front and with a sneer,
Said “no cover charge ‘til four.”

“Ron!  It’s Tom!  Why, you know me!”
“We bowl each Tuesday night”,
“And, what happened to our offices?”
“You’d better put things right.”

“I don’t know you”, Ron grumbled back,
“And I’m sure you don’t know me”,
“’Cause if you did you’d know that I”,
“Go on just after three.”

Tom got back in the car and said,
“Now, where is SDI?”,
Then next to him the seat was filled,
And Clarence gave a sigh.

“It isn’t here, it never was”,
“There’s nothing here but porn”,
“You see my friend your wish came true”,
“And you were never born.”

“So Chatsworth’s home to filth and smut”,
“And all that sort of thing…”
“Instead of jobs and hopes and dreams”
“That good employers bring.”

“I need to think, I need a drink”,
So down the road Tom sped,
“First I’ll need to get some cash”,
“So I’ll just stop by Cal Fed.”

Tom turned into the parking lot,
And ran into the branch,
What he saw next upon that day,
Was enough to make him blanch.

As he walked up to the teller line,
His heart it slowly sank,
The terminals were old and worn,
And the sign said “Potter Bank.”

“What’s going on, where’s Cal Fed gone?”,
“Miss, tell me, I must know!”,
“Why Cal Fed closed its last branch down”
“Over twenty years ago.”

After asking for some reasons,
Tom listened, Clarence told,
“With no good systems banks could buy”,
“All they could do was fold.”

“And all that’s left in all the land”
“Is Potter Bank and Trust”,
Their motto says “We don’t need you”,
“But you folks sure need us.”

Just then Tom he had a thought,
“But if that’s not a lie”,
“Then what about the people--”,
“The great folks of SDI?”

“Well since you’ve asked me”, Clarence said,
“I’ll have to let you know”,
“It isn’t pretty but it’s true”,
“Though I wish it wasn’t so.”

“Roger drives a garbage truck”,
“And Sandy runs the dump”,
“And Joe he sweeps the sidewalks up”,
“And Patrick’s getting plump.”

“And Jerry’s in an old folks home”,
“And Ed is awfully fat”,
“And Bob Pill’s favorite phrase is now”
“Do you want fries with that?”

“And Randi’s into sewage now”,
“And Nick still has no hair”,
“Not to mention that he has this thing”,
“’Bout ladies underwear.”

“And Fred’s still into numbers”,
“He just runs them now is all”,
“While Pati, Susan, Tim and Cris”,
“Just hang out at the mall.”

“Maria tries to sell some poems”,
“And she agrees that it’s”,
“Really hard to find a rhyme”,
“For Tom Litwinowicz”.

“And Jon sells ‘pharmaceuticals’”,
“At a price that’s less than Bart’s”,
“And Charles he sells his body”,
“Though its only good for parts.”

“I’ve heard enough! I can’t take more!”,
Tom sped off in his car,
He wasn’t sure just where he’d go,
Be he didn’t get that far…

He plowed into a maple tree,
And there he thought he’d stay,
‘Til a voice said “Look he’s waking up!”,
“It’s no foul, let’s just play.”

“Come on Tom it’s getting late”,
“Let’s give that leg a try”,
“’Cides there’s food left from the Christmas party”,
“There at SDI”.

Tom’s eyes grew wet, “I’m back!” he said,
“I can’t believe it’s true!”,
“You’re beautiful I mean it guys”,
“Yes Yancey even you”.

And in an instant Tom he heard,
A sound from up above,
A chime, a bell, a ringing noise,
That sounded much like love.

Then something happened quietly,
That was special and so neat,
When Clarence looked down at his shoes,
There were Wingtips on his feet!

And may you enjoy your Christmas,
The way Tom did all that year,
With family, friends and a miracle,
And all that you hold dear.

Merry Christmas, SDI!

Y.C.M.A.
1997

Cave Man, there's no need to feel blue,
'Cause your, program blew up on you,
Cave Man, there's a place you can go,
When your system gets real slow...

It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
They have everything for cave men to enjoy.
They've got all of the latest toys.

Cave Man, get yourself out yer house,
I say Cave Man, take your hand off your mouse,
Cave Man, why don't you listen to me?
There's a place you ought to be...

It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
They've got 16 bytes of RAM alone,
And the lasers print right to stone!

Cave Man, they've got all the new stuff,
I say Cave Man, so when you're feeling rough,
Cave Man, you can load your P.C.,
With Windows 95 thousand B.C.

It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
Stay all day at the Y.C.M.A.
You can surf the net, 'cause we're totally mod,
We do a hundred and fifteen BAUD.

Cave Man, pick yourself off the floor,
I say Cave Man, what are you looking for?
Cave Man, you can avoid all that strife,
And you never have to get a life!

It's fun to stay at the Y.C.M.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.C.M.A.
You can debug your code,
You can have a good chat,
You can sit there and just get fat.

Y.C.M.A.
It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
It's fun to play at the Y.C.M.A.
Cave Man, Cave Man, there's no need to feel down
Cave Man, Cave Man, pick yourself off the ground

Y.C.M.A.
just go to the Y.C.M.A.
Cave Man, Cave Man, I was once wore your loin cloth,
Cave Man, Cave Man, I looked just like a sloth

Y.C.M.A.
Y.C.M.A.
Y.C.M.A.
Y.C.M.A.

A Tribute to Trish
1997

In a cabin in the Georgia woods,
A babe’s cry pierced the night,
The doctor’s jaw dropped as he heard,
“This total isn’t right.”

Just how long ago that was,
I really couldn’t say,
I’d guess it’s nearly twenty years,
Give or take a day.

The scene now shifts to an S & L,
With Brunswick on the sign,
As a customer tells Mr. Pill,
Of the little bank’s “own line”.

‘Twas then Bob knew she should be hired,
He do anything to land her,
‘Cause as a customer he knew,
He’d never understand her.

She came to California,
She could tell it was a match,
‘Cause they like their weather hot and dry,
And they like their totals batch.

At first the language worried her,
But then she got a breather,
There’re so many cultures in L.A.,
And most don’t speak English either.

As for worries ‘bout directions,
She found it really wasn’t hard,
If she never wandered fifty feet,
From Topanga Boulevard.

How many times she was late from lunch,
People thought she stopped to talk,
But all she did was exercise,
When the signal said “Don’t Walk”.




And so begins the saga
of a legend and that’s that,
Call her Trisha, Trish or just Hey Y’all,
Though we know she can’t stand Pat.

This lady came to SDI,
And it wasn’t very long,
Before folks’ totals added right,
Just their balances were wrong.

And every time PLUS hiccuped,
(For some things even still),
The people would all recommend,
That Trisha take a Pill.

A few years back she did just that,
I’ll be a little terse,
She took a Pill, she takes it still,
For better or for worse.

Then came a time as always comes,
To put Trish to good use,
She woke to find she called the shots,
On a project called GeMS ZEUS.

Knowing just how special,
Is a project so, so hot,
The greatest team that could be found,
Was assembled on the spot.

That team was sharp, that team was fine,
There was nil it couldn’t do,
So Tom said we’ll split it up a bit,
And give another team to you.

And what a team that second team!
Just who could ever know,
They’ve got a guy who’s always Wong,
And a guy who’s just Soh-Soh.

They’ve got a guy to write their code,
Who’s legally a minor,
And a lady doing authoring,
Who calls herself a whiner.

In this poem Patrick gets a break,
Him I haven’t got to know,
Although I hear he’s got a jump shot,
Unlike Robert, Ho, Ho, Ho.

For years now Fearless Leader Trisha’s
Directed the whole show,
Like a great team of the past,
Starring Larry, Shemp and Moe.

And then one day some months ago,
They all came to Trish as one,
And said we don’t know how to tell you this,
But we think we’re almost done.

And sure enough it’s used today,
If anyone would doubt,
“We did it first!” the GeMS teams says,
They’ve earned their right to shout.

From time to time as life goes on,
We achieve our fondest wish,
Today’s such a day as we stop to say,
Just what we think of Trish.

Now that it’s time to bid farewell,
It’s simply time to say,
You’ve touched us all at SDI,
In such a special way.

From young pups who you’ve hatched and raised,
To old farts near the end,
You’ve taught a lot about work and love,
And just how to be a friend.

And so now Trish we wish you well,
In all you ever do,
You have our prayers and thoughts and thanks,
May all your dreams come true.

Thanks Trish! God Bless You.

 

SDI Prayer Group
April 1997

In a nondescript building,
In the Valley out west,
Dwelt a company of workers,
Each was doing his best.

And they’d try and they’d try,
And they’d work and they’d work,
And yet sometimes each acted,
Like the world’s biggest jerk.

And some of those workers,
Held a secret inside,
Even while they would work,
They were preoccupied.

It seems during their lunches,
And during their break,
They worked for another,
That is, for Heaven’s sake.

And sometimes, just sometimes,
In twos and in threes,
They’d linger together,
Or just shoot the breeze.

And I ‘spose that’s about,
What they’d do to this day,
If it hadn’t have been,
For a Thursday in May.

It was three years ago,
On a Thursday at one,
When they did something,
None of them ever had done.

And for one special hour,
They came out of their shells,
And they showed their true stripes,
And they rang all their bells.

And they stood before all,
And they fell to the floor,
And they said the “G” word,
Then they said it some more…

And they prayed for their country,
And prayed for their state,
And they prayed for that boss,
They were tempted to hate.

And they fell to their knees,
And they read from the Sword,
And they prayed and they prayed,
In the name of the Lord.

And two from that group,
As they pondered the Word,
Recognized that still, small voice,
That they heard…

And they put out a notice,
And they said why don’t we,
Meet on Tuesdays at one,
In week one and week three?

And that’s just what we’ve done now,
For more than three years,
As we’ve sought the Father,
Amidst joy and some tears…

And the Lord He has blessed us,
And helped each of us grow,
And the more that we study,
Seems the less that we know.

Now as brothers and sisters,
We meet for this meal,
May we honor His name,
May His presence be real.

We have Amy and Kassa,
And Aleta and Joe,
And Patty and Christian,
Not to mention John Soh.

And Queena and Susan,
And Yvonne and Marjean,
And Romy and Karen,
And Wayne and Jeanine.

And Joanna and Judy,
And Tom T from Support,
Dick Gifford and Tina,
Then there’s ‘Liz Betancourt.

And there’s Robert and Carol,
And of course Jenny Yu,
And Tim Fisher and Rick,
And there’s Roy Padre too.

And Tom Shen and Karen,
Robert and Andrew Lew,
And May and Jeff,
And then there’s Arlene Jue.

And there’s so many more,
The Lord’s chosen to call,
Whose names just don’t rhyme,
Like the rest of you all…

I pray each time we assemble,
And yes each time we meet,
We never forget,
To leave one empty seat.

And as we return,
To our jobs every day,
May we never forget,
To stop often to pray.

And as our co-workers,
Stop to chat and discuss,
I pray that somehow,
They’ll see Jesus in us.

Amen.


 

A Christmas Present
1996

 ‘Twas late one night and Thomas Shen
was planning next year’s C.O.R.E.,
Alone there in his office,
Where no one could hear him snore.

Then suddenly from up above,
Came a voice to Tom below,
Saying “Thomas Shen, yes Thomas Shen,
Please pick up one-one-oh.

Still in a daze Tom grabbed the phone,
He’d dozed off Thomas reckoned,
Then presidentially he said,
“I’ll be home in a second.”

“I’m not Joanna said the voice,”
“You mean you don’t know me?”
“Of course I know you Thomas lied,”
“Why, you’re from….FNB?”

“Not FNB or EDS or FSLIC,”
“Not ABN or AMRO or even NBC,”
“Not ITI or IBM and not MBNA,”
“You’ll wish it was the IRS when you hear what I’ve to say.”

“Now knock it off”, Tom Shen replied
“Games aren’t my kind of sport”,
“Unless of course we’ve got the gym”
“And five on five full court.”

“Don’t you worry Mr. Shen”
“Your answer will come fast”
“Though I thought you might just know my voice—“
“The Ghost of Christmas Past”

“That’s funny Yancey, jerk my chain”
“That’s stress relief I like”
“That’s why you’ll always hear me say”
“If you need a jerk call Mike.”

“This is no joke the voice came back”
“I’m not the joking sort”
“I must be real, ‘cause if I weren’t”
“The poem would be too short.”

“I’m here to take you to your past”
“So many years ago”
“A Christmas scene that’s full of kids”
“All playing in the snow”

“Why there’s Wayne Luke, Tom’s voice rang out”
“And look who’s over there”
“It’s Nick! I can’t believe it!”
“Even then he had no hair!”

“Look, there’s Mani building snowmen!”
“Not a single one looks strange”
“Yet Nadine’s poking holes in them!”
“I guess some things never change.”

“And there’s Laura, Joe and Roger”
“And Roy and Trish and Ron”
“Maria, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin”
“Bob, Bob, Bob and Yvonne”

Then Tom demanded “Look here Ghost”
“Now what’s the bottom line?”
“You brought me for a reason”
“But these people look just fine.”

“That’s just my point now Mr. Shen”
“This is the past you see”
“Before hard work took its toll on them”
“Except for Charles Whitley”

And then like lightning Past Ghost vanished,
Tom relaxed and felt quite pleasant,
‘Til a new ghost twice as ugly,
Announced that he was Christmas Present.

This Ghost whisked Tom down the hall,
Then round a corner, through a door,
‘Til he spied fifty people working,
And Darren shouting “More! More! More!”

On Tom traveled past more cubies,
Manned by loyal workers all,
GeMS group, Admin, Client Service,
Project plans on every wall!

And every project has a deadline,
A date on which things must arrive,
And Tom couldn’t help but notice,
Each said December 25.

“Stop!” Tom shouted, “I must know”
“Where do these people go from here?”
But Christmas Present never answered,
Instead Tom saw him disappear.

Then in his place stood Christmas Future,
“You were saying?” he replied,
“What’s going to happen to these people?”
(If Tom weren’t tough he would have cried.)

“It won’t be good,” the Ghost he answered,
“Some will crack and some will break”
“Some will format all their hard drives,”
“Some will jump into a lake.”

“What can I do?” screamed Tom, “Please help me.”
“Please save them from this awful fate!”
“There is one thing The Ghost responded”
“Unless, of course, it’s just too late…”

“What is it?” Tom asked,
“Raise? Vacation? Exotic trips to parts unknown?”
“Limos, Rolex, Lakers tickets?”
New PCs with free cell phone?

“Not even close” the Ghost responded,
“The thing to make this tired bunch hearty”
 “The only thing I think could save ‘em”
“Would be a nifty Christmas party.”

“I’ll do it!” Tom said “Absolutely!”
“We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll drink, we’ll sup”
“I’ll do it…do it…do it …do it…”
And then Tom felt himself wake up.

“It’s just a dream! It’s just a dream!”
“I have a chance to make things right”
“You bet your life we’ll have a party”
“Throughout the day and half the night!”

And so friends now it’s up to you,
This is the day to have some fun,
Don’t miss the rockets, games and music,
Stay at least until the food is done.

And may your Christmas bring you joy,
And may you not be stressed,
May you cherish family, friends and home,
And may each of you be blessed.

Merry Christmas, SDI!

The Legend of Brandy
1995

Ages ago at SDI,
As the company history tells,
There sauntered in one sunny day,
A girl named Brandy Wells.

Now things were different way back then,
When the system was quite new,
For everything's in a manual now,
And some of it is true.

But such was not the case those days,
Just software was enough,
Installing that was manly then,
When programmers were tough.

In a dusty room a binder sat,
On a single lone bookshelf,
Inside was a three-sheet Xeroxed note,
It was titled "Help Yourself".

In headquarters, one Thomas Shen,
Heard back from those afield,
They told of dragons fought and killed,
And contracts they had sealed.

In three time zones, three installers
Solved the same problem today,
Each one used his own idea,
Could there be a better way?

A tech writer is what we need,
Our doc is in a mess,
I'm a writer Brandy said!
Technically, I guess.

I'll learn it all and write it down,
I'll solve the company's need,
Let me get started right away,
Now what's for me to read?

Well..., said Karen, that's the thing,
There's none it seems to me,
Then suddenly she had a thought,
Say, do you read C?

Somehow Brandy learned it all,
And wrote the whole thing down,
To be so far over her head,
It's great she didn't drown.

So now there are more manuals,
At which one can shake a stick,
Than one can ever figure out,
It's enough to make you sick.

There're manuals to do installs,
And configure on the fly,
There're manuals on CBT,
And "Calculating PI".

And "Knowing If Your System's Up",
And "Problems on the LAN",
And "Diagnosing Sysconfig",
And "How To Find A Man".

Everyone knows these books are good,
If people would just heed them,
They have just one deficiency,
You still have got to read them.

You might have thought after all of this,
That Brandy would take a rest,
But she's reached on up to higher ground,
Do you think that I would jest?

A few years back, young Brandy Wells,
Left what she knew so well behind,
And struck out towards the new product,
Not knowing what she'd find.

She sat in on the meetings,
As a member of the Team,
She did much more than just take notes,
And she worked out like a dream.

She helped design the ZEUS System,
And I am pretty sure,
If there's anything that you don't like,
It probably came from her.

For years now she has worked with us,
And it's not one of my lies,
That to the people on the Team,
She's just one of the guys.

In fact she fits in just so well,
There's even been talk heard,
Of designating Brandy Wells,
An honorary nerd.

She has so very much knowledge,
And her breadth it is so great,
It's clear to everyone she meets,
That she's a heavyweight.

With all the work that Brandy's done,
She's still found time for tennis,
She can hit a serve and a partner too,
Her forehand is a menace.

Her tennis team has brought about,
The kindest act I've ever seen,
Through two long doubles tournaments,
She's been carried by Nadine.

To write a poem that's all in jest,
I've never learned just how,
I must confess it's time for me,
To get personal right now.

It's a sign of my affection,
My dear young comrade Brandy,
Considering the weight you've gained,
Not to even mention candy.

I couldn't end a poem like this,
Without mentioning Brandy's friends,
Like Marta, Helen, Susan, Tom,
It's a list that never ends.

There's Kathy, Lucy, Susan,
And of course there's your boss Karen,
They always say how nice you look,
'Though a tent you now are wearin'.

On the ZEUS Team there are Michael,
Alex, Thomas, Chet and Mike,
You've confided to me privately,
There're even some you like.

There's Ashok, Mani, Wayne and Mike
With whom you often talk,
And of course there are the Bobsey Twins,
Big and Boss and Doc

There's one more group we must include,
This list could never stop,
Without mentioning those you're closest to,
Those at the yogurt shop.

For all of those that I've left out,
Don't give me a hard time,
You try to fit in 90 names,
And make the whole thing rhyme.

And so now Brandy it's almost time
When the joking will be through,
And we'll all start to reminisce,
With memories of you.

I couldn't end this properly,
It just wouldn't be too right,
Not to tell you how much you're admired,
For how you reflect the Light.

All of us who've worked with you,
Want to take this time to say,
To you and Geoff and Benjamin,
Have a great birthday.

And after that please think of us,
As diapers you play with,
Without you Brandy, I am sure,
ZEUS would be just a myth.

Thanks, Brandy
God Bless You

Ode To Helen
1995

You all know why we're here today,
There's no point in me tellin'
We come today to give our thanks,
To one who's known as Helen.

She's been around at SDI,
As long as we've been sellin'
Two years before the Earth was cool,
We said hello to Helen.

The lady wears so many hats,
And she does them all so well 'n,
She won't complain, at least not much,
That's just a part of Helen.

She works a Mac and stays on track,
And answers the night bell 'n,
Brings memos round, and things she's found,
That's another thing 'bout Helen.

She types reports and empties fridges,
To keep the place from smellin',
Does lots and lots of the admin thing,
And we just call her Helen.

Which is not to say, all work no play,
She does her share of yellin',
She'll goof around and act the clown,
She's a wild one, that's our Helen.

She's great with grammar, words and such,
Always knows the proper spellin',
Must be why she talks so much,
"It's practice", answers Helen.

But now the time is drawing near,
Since she looks just like a melon,
For congratulations, hugs and smiles,
As we say farewell to Helen.

And so today let's celebrate,
On good times let's be dwellin',
As we offer her our heartfelt love,
For so much is "owed to Helen".

A Tribute to Joanna
By Dr. ZEUS

'Twas a long time ago,
As I seem to remember,
"Fore the turn of the century,
Was it early December?

That a group was all gathered,
Several ladies, lots of men,
To honor one of the own,
Named Joanna Shen.

When their company was started,
Fully ten years before,
Who could possibly guess,
Just what was in store?

Joanna's remembered,
For the role that she played,
Keeping track of the money,
So each person got paid.

Everyone in the company,
Could thank Joanna Shen,
For cool mugs, awesome shirts,
And a really neat pen.

But much more than these symbols,
Of overt flashiness,
Was the part that she played,
In the company's success.

Yet this part was eclipsed,
In that old time workplace,
By her smile, her thoughtfulness,
And kindness and grace.

Now when Joanna left,
The company was healthy,
Employees were happy,
Even though they weren't wealthy.

With the solid foundation,
That Joanna helped lay,
The company was growing,
From then 'til today.

The company back then,
As I recall in my gut,
Sold something to banks,
Though I'm not sure just what.

After that you'll remember,
A scant ten years later,
The release of the company's
First electric cheese grater.

And then came the hero,
Who first closed the deal,
Through which we acquired,
Ronco and Popeil.

And we never stopped,
Our phenomenal growing,
We bought Kodak and Xerox,
And Northrop and Boeing.

And Pepsi and Maytag,
And Sony and Ford,
And K-Mart and Sears,
And Montgomery Ward.

Next came of course the purchase,
Of the crowning gem,
Which is why our company's name was changed,
To SDIBM.

Now it seems only fitting,
As we look fondly back today,
That we investigate people,
Who helped the company on its way.

So I've found some people in the past,
Who deserve to take a bow,
And compiled a little info,
On where they all are now.

Mr. Nicholas Culolias,
A proud member of the crew,
Now sells books on closing sales,
On Channel 42.

We've located the whereabouts,
Of one Mr. Barton Pace,
He's a model now for Playgirl,
(Though they only use his face).

Ands Mr. Charles Whitley,
Has found a market niche,
He sells recycled terminals,
As food for hungry fish.

The illustrious Mr. Robert Pill,
Has figured out a way,
To run NT in a DOS box,
On OS/2 today.

Mrs. Karen Walker,
Attends work and never fails,
Her title's "Chief Inspector"'
At a place called Chippendale's.

And Mr. Ronald Tidwell,
Lives in Alaska now,
He shoots deer and elk and ducks and birds,
And occasionally a cow.

Which brings us to one Thomas Shen,
Who's retired as our King,
Does what he always has done best,
Not much of anything.

Now we come back to the name,
That started this whole song,
Since we all are gathered here,
To say a sad so long.

We thank you for the years you've spent,
And all the work you've done,
The hard times and the good times,
Have all been laced with fun.

And so Joanna we all add,
Congratulations too,
And hope that you'll have happiness
And every wish come true.

Thank you, Joanna.